Why are people nice? The more I think about my life and become a little more introspective, the more I think about this. It seems to be some crazy catch-22 where I don't know why I'm being nice. Is it self-fulfilling? Am I nice to others because it makes me feel good? Am I feeling good because I'm supposed to be nice? What makes someone be nice? I have a feeling that most of the time, I am being nice only because I can feel better about myself. I don't do it so others are more fulfilled. I do it because it makes me happy about myself. But is that ok? Is it ok to be nice if you are really doing it for yourself? Example: Mom in minivan with kids is pulling up in parking lot; you are about to pull into a spot close to the door. You pass on the spot to let the mom have it. Why? Did you do it because you really would like to have the mom to have it. Or was it because you want to do a good deed so good things will happen to you? It seems like every religion has this as one of the central themes. Do we do it to get to heaven or have a better next life? Is it really being nice to others if you are really doing it to make yourself better? I think it's time that I need to take a stand and really try and be nice to others because I truely care about the well-being of my fellow man, not making small sacarifices to seem better in someone elses eyes, be it a boss at work or the lord himself. Being nice is always good, and I am not saying that you souldn't be kind to your fellow man. Do whatever you need to do to be nice, especially at this time of year. But remember, being nice comes in several forms, and just think about why you are being nice. People that make the most sacarifices may be the most selfish of all.

The map has led me to this point
But what I see is not what I expect
The parchment can't be wrong
Who changed the earth

I'm not alone!

The bridge is down, but no one else knows
A secret kept, quick on my toes
Could I have forgotten, is my conscience my weakness
I have stayed strong, the winds push and it preaches

I swear I'm alone!

The map has led me to this point
But what I see is not what I expect
The parchment can't be wrong
Who changed the earth


My trust is destroyed, not in others, in myself
The darkness is here, in the chase for inner health
My mind is sound but the sound might be deafening
I have to push forward, the past has left me…

ALONE!
Leave me here, I want you dead
ALONE!
Nothing hurts like you said

You didn't hurt me then, you scorched the earth for my future
I was over the range, but the valley was nurtured
You found the way faster, destroyed what was mastered
You knew I was alone when I wasn't

I found this earlier whilst I was rearranging my room. I wrote it over a year ago, but I remember when and why I wrote it, and I still think its really good. If you hate this kind of thing, skip over it now; this is more just for me, so I have it somewhere I won't lose it.

It's been said before, but it has been some time, thing have happened and I thought it would be fine, but things are back, and I can't be done, getting rid of the fun and the one, that I wanted to be past, but the past is gone, but somehow you're not. I don't want to lose what I get lost in, the depth, the dark, the mystery of what is so close but not within grasp, and I hope when I close in, when I reach, there is something there, it can't be seen, the intangibles you want to be there, even if no one else understand, you know it's right, in the darkest of night, when you fight those intangibles, and you destroy those you hate, hoping you don't burn the bridges to the ones you've been searching for in the moonlit battle, and if you fight through the night, wish for a little white light to lead you, and just when you think you've found what you wanted, you realize that there's two in this war, me and you fighting for the same thing, the intangible, and we were together through the rest, the worst and the best, fighting side by side, against the neverending intangibles.

People shouldn't be afraid to say what they want to say to the people they want to say it to. I'm just as guilty as anyone, but I'm going to try and change all that. Not here though. This is just me trying to let people know what I'm trying to do. I have been thinking about why people do this though. Why would you not just tell people how you feel? Is it because we are scared of what the answer may be? Is it because we are ashamed of telling our weaknesses? Is it because we can write all our thoughts out in perfect order, making sure to take our sweet time to hand craft each sentence to be perfect, because there's no delete button on our words? Yes. All these things and more. And I refuse to let this control my life anymore. If I have something to say, I'll say it. If you think I have something to say to you, just ask me. I don't care how. Whatever way suits you best. I'll send you a text, I'll talk face to face, I'll send you a myspace message. It doesn't matter, I just want to express myself, because the more I think about it, the more I have realized that I'm never going to solve problems in my life. If it gets me in trouble, so be it, but I do need to do this. The only people I have done this with so far is my family, Austin, and Jake. I mean, the place this prolly happens most is work, and maybe work needs there to be some secrecy. I mean, I think that every single person talks about other people they work with, and it's normal, and maybe I'm abnormal by saying that I'm going to stop doing it. Something that makes me really happy right now is when people talk about things in front of me that I am involved with, but they don't know that I aminvolved with said things. But that's because I have been spiteful and enjoyed others when they do things like that. And again, I really have been no better than anyone else here. I am in no way the secret spy that knows all and just watches people spout wrong ideas all the time. I make assuptions all the time, and I know I make an ass of myself all the time. So here is the end. I have made my choices, and done what has made me happy in the past, but now, I am seeing that, as are all things in life, things are changing. What has made me happy before is now not working, and I am hoping this new outlook will work as well for me now as my old one did for me in the past. Also, I hope that I get to do sound at THE GARAGE more. Doing sound at the lock-in was kick-ass. So hopefully I won't get too much shit for this whole thing, but if you do want to throw some shit my way, just do it. Because talking about it to someone else won't make it any better. Dammit. I just realized that maybe why we do it. Because we need something to make ourselves feel better. If we see someone else messing up, we can say how much it must suck for them, and how great we are. Are we really any better? Maybe. But not by enough. So I'm off to start my new adventures.

Looking Forward To Thanksgiving,
Nick

Videos to follow in the next couple days. I'm trying to get them on the garage facebook right now. there's way more pics, but these are the ones worth sharing, so here they are:

So tonight, a bunch of things happened. Well actually, it was all day. So, Sam and I practiced together for the forth time. Every time we write stuff together, it turns out good, but it's really hard for me to write with Sam because he's so good and plays so spontainiously. But we are finally getting some stuff written and we should have a demo up soon. After that was work, which was fun, as usual, then off to Jake's house to hang out and play Halo 3 for awhile. Then I met back up with the Garage gang to go out to perkins. It was fun to say the least. Then on the way home I realized I have no worries in my life right now. Seriously, NO WORRIES. AT ALL. School is going great, work is fun and I'm getting enough hours. My parents aren't mad at me. I have no girlfriend to worry about. I don't worry about anything. It should bug me, but it doesn't. My friends aren't mad at me. Everything is going smooth. Plus I have this really kick ass class @ school with what is probably the coolest teaher I've ever had by far. Also, in that class are like a bunch of cool people, a few of which are now like this special group because we have almost all our classes together. Eric and Jake are tight as hell. Plus there's this girl named Tesa or Tessa, not sure on spelling, but she's really cool and pretty fine as well. . So let's hope everything keeps going well, because life always has a way to knock you back when your on top.

My vacation is finally over, I've seen a ton of cool things, and it's time for a recap.

Family: Still Awesome
Four Year Strong: Amazing live (photos up, videos soon)
Cell Phone: Out of Service (Amp'd went bankrupt, what can ya do)
New Cell Phone: Soon, going to mall w/ Jake tomo to figure it out
Niagara Falls: Huge, and amazing to see
Canada: Awesome and strange all @ once
Boston: Driving in Boston sucks, but the food is awesome and it's a kick ass town.
Liberty Pizza: Amazing. Thanks to Kevin for the suggestion.
Cincinnati Food: Still Amazing. Skyline Chile, Pasquale's Pizza, Waffle House. God I would be so fat if I lived there.

BTW go see FYS if they come anywhere near here, or road trip if they don't, and buy their new CD, "Rise or Die Trying", out in Sept.

To any and all of the people who were affected by the 35W bridge collapse. It was a very trau/dramatic event for many people, and I know the bravest people in MN, the Police and Fire Department and Paramedics, have risked life and limb for the safety of others. Their efforts have saved many lives, and many people are now trusting their lives to the doctors and nurses of our hospitals. Please take a moment out for those who were lost, and to those who are saving the lives of those who were involved. Many people may not know their names, but they are putting themselves out there to help strangers that are in peril almost every day. For them, some people owe them the world, and they ask for nothing in return from them. So, for everyone involved, be it victim or hero, I just ask for a moment for all of you you to think about what has unfolded in the past day, and take a moment to think of them, be it prayer or just remembrance.

My Heart Goes Out To You