Hey Walla Freaks!
Sorry it is taking me so long to tell you my prison story. The medication they are forcing me to take makes me so darn sleepy...

So this horrid woman Marge that they made me share a cell with didn't seen the least bit interested in hearing my story about Joe and how it all lead to me doing hard time. I managed to get to the part about me being arrested for solicitation when she suddenly screamed at me, "DON'T YOU GET IT YOU DUMB BITCH!!! THIS GUY JOE IS NOT INTERESTED IN YOU. IF HE WAS HE WOULD HAVE NAILED YOUR FAT TWAT BY NOW... GIVE IT A REST ALREADY!!!" It was as if cold water had been thrown in my face. I was stunned into silence. No one had ever spoken to me that way. Marge saw the look of pain on my face and her voice softened, "Look Toots... this guy Joe isn't the only cock in the sea. Stop wasting your time chasing after some prick that wouldn't give you the time of day. There are plenty of folks around here that think you are a fine peice of ass." I had no idea what she was talking about and found her crude language unsettling and told her as much. She replied, "You'll find out what I'm talking about tonight after light's out" Then she winked at me. I felt my face flush and a strange tingling in places that had never tingled before. What was she going to do to me? Would I live to see the light of dawn?

The Zoloff just kicked in so I'm stopping here because I can't keep my eyes open... more of the story when I wake up...

Well... where should I start? I suppose and explanation of my whereabouts for the last six months would be in order! If you recall from my last post the judge sent me to a new female therapist. Before I could even open my mouth and tell her my side of the story she said she had reviewed my file, talked to Mr. Walla at length and come to the conclusion I was, in fact, a psychotic delusional stalker and a danger to Mr. Walla! That was the last straw. I leaped over the desk and smacked that bitch all the way into next week. It took three security guards to pull me off of her. Needless to say, the judge was not pleased with the results of my "evaluation" and sent me to The Sybil Brand Institute for Women to "teach me a lesson".

They put me in a cell with a very hard looking older women named Marge who kept calling me "Cookie" and made slurping sounds whenever I bent over. That always made the other women giggle for some reason. At lights out that night the guard stopped at our door and yelled, "NO BUTTIN' PUSSIES ON MY WATCH BITCHES!!!" I had no idea what she was talking about but she kept shining her light into our cell all night so I couldn't get to sleep.
Marge snored and talked in her sleep so by midnight I was about ready to suffocate her with my pillow!!!

Ingrid is getting hungry and so am I so I tell you all more tomorrow....

I going to announce something you NEVER thought you would hear from the mouth of your Walla Freaks President... I no longer have feelings for Joe Walla. There. I said it. My court appointed therapist told me to stand in front of my mirror and say it out loud at least 100 times a day. Then when I felt strong enough, to declare it to all my friends. Whew!!!! I'm shaking but I got it off my chest!!!

If you haven't figured it out yet, all this has to do with that silly "stalking" hearing last month which was a total fiasco. I'm not going to bore you all with the gory details but suffice to say Joe never even showed up and I had to sit there all day answering questions from the most obnoixious group of lawyers on the planet! They kept saying "our client says you did this... and our client says you did that..." They were totally making up stories and putting words in Joe's mouth. After over 6 hours of their nonsense I told them they were the Spawns of Satan and that my psychic Ivonna had warned me that dark forces were conspiring against me. I began repeating the incantation she taught me to ward off negative energy but the attorneys started shouting at me and the judge stopped the hearing and ordered that I get an "evaluation". I have been going 3 times a week to see this creepy therapist that keeps asking me all kinds of personal questions about my sex life. I keep insisting I'm saving myself for Joe but he doesn't buy it. Yesterday he had the nerve to ask me if my father had ever touched me "down there"!!! I slapped him, called him a PERVERT and left in a huff! I called up that Judge and gave him a piece of my mind too. He's going to find a female therapist for me so I have to start all over... I just hope Joe appreciates all I'm doing to help him with his publicity stunt!!!

Based on the flood of e-mail from fellow WF's I'm sure you have all read the hurtful post from someone claiming to be Joe Walla on the Walla Freak home page. After consulting with my astrologer Mimi, who also just happens to be studying for her Law Degree online at The University of Phoenix, I have determined that to answer the charges here on this site would not be a violation of the temporary retraining order. First off, I AM NOT STALKING JOE WALLA! I just happened to run into him one day when I was out and about and decided it would be fun to see how a big rock star like Joe lives and followed him home. I've only been by a few times since. The only reason I had to jump the fence and go into his patio area was because my new Cowboy hat (the one just like Joe's) blew over the fence and I had to retrieve it. I was not looking in his windows in spite of what his nosey neighbor told him. I'm sure that bitchy old hag was just jealous when she saw a hot young thing like me at Joe's backdoor. Secondly, I'm convinced that this restaining order nonsense is just a publicity stunt cooked up by Joe's people to get his name in the press. Since nothing is more important than Joe's career I've decided to just play along with the gag. I'm sure Joe will ask me out to lunch after the hearing and we will have a good laugh about the whole thing. I was angry at first for Joe not letting me in on the plan but I guess I couldn't know if it were to be believable. Now I actually feel honored that Joe picked me for the role! 2006 is suddenly looking like it is going to be a great year after all!!!

When I got home from work Friday I lit some incense and a few candles and went to work contacting my "Inner Spirit Whore" Trixie. After I made contact I told her how important tonight was for me and she promised it would be a night I would never forget. I asked her to enter my body and make me a temptation to all mankind and especially to Joe Walla! I began to feel that special tingling "down there" and new it was working. I got myself gussied up in my new Frederick's of Hollywood outfit and more makeup than ever before and hopped in the Gremlin, cranked up "Crack Whore" and headed to see Joe at Mr. B's in Burbank. While waiting for the light at Hollywood Way and Victory the Gremlin stalled and wouldn't restart. The guys at the station on the corner gave me push and said they would try to jump start it. I was already running late so I told them I would deal with the car after the show and decided to just walk the rest of the way since Mr. B's was only a couple of blocks away. When I got to the 7-Eleven across from Mr. B's a police car pulling in flashed his lights and stopped me. This fat old cop got out and started asking me the rudest questions. Things like, "Did you get off at the wrong stop sister? This isn't Hollywood and Vine" and "Is it tough walking the streets in heels that high?" I had had about enough of him and said I was late and Joe was waiting for me. He responded "Don't you mean John? How much you charging him?" In a rage I snapped "More than you could afford PIG!!!" and with that he pulled out his cuffs and threw me in the back of his squad car!!! I spent the night in the Burbank Jail accused of solicitation!!! By the time my friend Hope came to bail me out Saturday morning the spirit of Trixie was long gone. I felt so foolish dressed in those tiger print Spandex pants and lace top that showed WAY too much of my bossom. I just wanted to crawl under my bed and stay there forever. Hope talked me into breakfast at IHOP after I'd changed and the Rooty Tootie Fresh and Fruitie Combo with a side hash browns helped calm my nerves. Boy am I going to give that Psychic Ivonna a piece of my mind! I don't know if I'll go to Joe's show at Pat's Cocktails tonight. I'm just so confused...

Thanks to all my fellow Wallafreaks who have e-mailed me and expressed their concern because they hadn't seen me in my usual spot in the front row at Joe's last few shows. I must confess the incident after Joe's Halloween show at Murphy's in El Mirage affected me deeply. I've come to realize that the "good" girls like me never end up with the hot guys. It's the Slutty Nasty Girls who aren't afraid to be aggressive that end up back at the motel with the gorgeous guitar players. After much soul searching, I've realized I'm not getting any younger or thinner so if I want Joe I'm going to have to be just as aggressive as all the other tramps. I consulted my psychic Ivonna about the whole situation last week and together we were able to get in touch with my "Inner Spirit Whore" (who's name is Trixie). I've been in seclusion ever since practicing my ability to channel Trixie's spirit on command and I must say I'm getting rather good at it. Yesterday I channeled Trixie then took the subway to Hollywood and went on a wild shopping spree at Frederick's of all places! I'm going to Joe's shows at Mr. B's and Pat's this weekend dressed to the hilt in my new tiger print Spandex pants, Come F*ck Me pumps, and a lace top so low cut Joe will be able to see my nipples if I lean forward a bit! My new attitude is going to be: "Out of my way bitches! He's all mine!" Ingrid thinks I've lost my mind but I'll show that cat when Joe comes home with me Friday night! Trixie even bought a box of Trojans... can you believe it!!!

Joe's show at Murphy's Cafe out in El Mirage was so good and Joe looked so HOT!!! He wasn't wearing my favorite red velour pants but the ones he had on were just as tight and made me want to scream "Take me Joe!!! I'm yours forever!!!" I managed to contain myself throughout the show but have to admit I was feeling very frisky now that I'd fully recuperated from the "Bird Flu" that raged through Pacoima last week. I lost 6 and a half pounds because I was quarantined and couldn't leave the house and went through most of my food the first day. I was feeling pretty darn good about my new slender self and decided this show would be a good one to approach Joe. I was even so bold as to make a reservation at the "Good Nite Inn" down the street from the club so I could invite Joe back to my room for a night cap. During the first set a skanky looking woman with a gold tooth in a Playboy Bunny Halloween costume kept dancing right in front of Joe trying to get his attention. By the last song I was feeling so dejected and un-noticed I was nearly in tears. I decided to just leave rather than face another rejection and slipped out the side door. Thank God there was a 24-hour Foster's Freeze right next door. By the time I finished my Double Old-Fashioned with Cheese, large Onion Rings and Triple-thick Peanut Butter Malt my mood had lightened. As I walked back towards my Motel, I noticed a flashing sign for "Stan's of Hollywood" directly across the street. The sign promised a wide selection of sexy lingerie and I did need to find a new pair for my special night with Joe (since the cops still had my other pair for evidence) so I decided to check it out. As I slipped through the black curtains I nearly tripped over the biggest display of facial massagers I have ever seen!!! This place was nothing like the Victoria's Secret in the mall and to my horror they were even selling pornographic videos and magazines!!! What if Joe had seen me go in? What if Joe saw me coming out of such a place? He would think I was total trailer trash!!! I stood in front of the display frozen in terror so long the oily haired guy behind the counter must have thought I wanted to buy one and called out "If you want to try any of 'em out, I got some batteries right here..." All the men standing at the magazine rack turned and stared at me. I totally lost it!!! I shrieked and ran out of the building and headed straight for my Gremlin. I wan't going to spend another second in this horrible little town. I was so upset I didn't even stop at the Denny's in Victorville for Boston Cream Pie like I had planned. I'm not sure I'll even go to Joe's show this weekend at Paladino's. If someone saw me go in there and tells Joe I wouldn't blame him if he never wanted to see me again! I feel so soiled and dirty now...

What a crazy week this has been!!! I'm recuperating from the Bird Flu Epidemic that is sweeping through parts of Pacoima so I've been trying to get as much rest as possible. Yesterday just as I was nodding off I heard a comotion in the hall outside my door. I live in the nicer part of Pacoima, but there are still a few shady characters that live in my apartment building so it's not unusual to hear shouting or the occasional gunshot. I peeked out the door and saw two cops dragging my creepy neighbor Jose down the hall! A few minutes later they knocked on my door and wanted to ask me a few questions. It turns out Jose was arrested for leaving pictures of his privates on the windshields of cars at the Curves Gym down the street! The cops wanted to know if I had noticed any strange behavior. Of course, I had to tell them about the panty sniffing incident in the laundry room last year. The detective furiously jotted down notes and asked if I still had the panties (it's the pink pair I have been saving for my first night with Joe) and wanted to have them as evidence. I explained how special they were to me but he insisted on keeping them and said they would be returned after the trial. He wanted to know if I was willing to testify but I told him I wouldn't if there was a chance Joe's name would come up. I didn't want the press to pick up on the story and Joe's good name to dragged through the mud or be associated with something so sleazy. He assured me it wouldn't so I reluctantly handed over the panties. I'm debating whether I should call Joe and warn him the press might appear on his doorstep asking about his involvement with that pervert or just pray he never finds out and the panties are returned before our special night. I got so depressed stewing about the whole mess I decided I needed to treat myself to a big meal at the Claim Jumper to shake it all off. It's amazing how the Sampler Plate can just melt your cares away... God, I hope Joe never finds out...

I am so bummed I can't make it to Joe's show at the Riverbottom tonight. I'm pretty sure I have the "bird flu" I keep hearing about on CNN and didn't want to risk infecting Joe. I'd never forgive myself if I were to kill Rock 'n Roll's greatest talent. Tuesday morning Ingrid insisted on going out on the balcony in one of her rare moods where she wants to act like a real cat. I dozed off (I work the nightshift) and when I awoke the room was full of feathers and a pidgeon carcass was in a pool of blood on my kitchen floor! I screamed so loud Jose next door actually came over to see if I was alright (I never let him in my apartment though because I once caught him sniffing a pair of my panties in the laundry room and he gives me the creeps). I instantly knew I was infected and needed to quarantine myself. I haven't left my apartment since and I'm bracing myself for the symptoms to hit. I'm most worried about the blood squirting out of my eyes. I briefly considered wearing a mask and going to see Joe tonight but what if the blood started spurting right in front of Joe during "She's Gone"? I would die from embarassment!!! I found an article online that says "Bird Flu" can be cured by drinking 8 glasses a day of a mixture of Cranberryjuice, Tab and Milk of Magnesia. The first glass nearly made me gag but after the fourth glass it wasn't so bad. I'm feeling OK so it must be working. I'm still going to keep a towel over my pillow in case the bleeding starts up while I'm asleep. I called Joe to warn him to keep his distance for a while. This week just sucks!

I went into a deep, deep funk Sunday afternoon when the effect of the House of Pies run wore off and I realized Joe wasn't going to return my calls that day. I was hoping he would ring ME for a change and we could hash out all the issues I've been having with his assistant Mr. Bitchy Britches. I'm growing weary of talking to machines when I have so many ideas I want to run past him. I think I could do a way better job than Sir Snothead and working closely with Joe would give him the chance to see my inner beauty. To pull myself out of the depression I decided to map out my route to his show in El Mirage on October 29th. I heard Murphy's Cafe has great food but I figured I would need to make a few pitstops along the way. I went online and found a Foster's Freeze AND a Dairy Queen !!! I can't wait to have a Peanut Butter Shake at Foster's and Buster Bars at the DQ!!! Woo Hoo!!! Next, I started trying on outfits for the show. Last payday I bought a Cowboy hat just like the one Joe wears and a pair of red velour slacks. When I asked Ingrid if the new pants made my butt look big she replied in that sarcastic tone of her's , "No, your fat ass makes your butt look big!" That sent me into another dreadful depression. Somedays I just want to strangle that f*cking cat!!!