LEG WARMERS
I used to think you were my soulmate
I used to think you would always be there to warm me up
I used to think we would dance together forever
But now you are dancing with someone else
And I am dancing alone
You were my legwarmers for a time
Uh yeah
You were there to support my shins
Wabba de babba de bab
You were so fucked up
Yabba du ba de da
I am sitting in an empty Starbucks on a Sunday afternoon
I should be with you
But you are warming up someone elses thighs
Not mine, mine are closed together
I wanna open up my thighs
I drink my frappuchino and stare out onto the road ahead
Sometimes without you I wish I was dead
But I know you will live on forever in my head
Because I am fucked up too
You were my legwarmers for a time
Uh yeah
You were there to support my shins
Wabba de babba de bab
You were so fucked up
Yabba du ba de da
I get up to go get a paper from the till
I open up the Daily Sport and see you within
You are a famous rock star now
I am working as a temp in the City
Where did it all go wrong?
I walk to the office where I check my emails
Nothing from you in fact you cannot even spell
Why do I miss you so monkey boy oh why ooh yeah
I cry at my desk as I get so upset I weep into my keyboard
The boss comes over and says I am fired
Almost before he has said I am hired
I get up from my chair and act debonair
No one is gonna get me down babba de de da babba de dum
I walk down the road and close up my coat
I see your face in the window of HMV
I spit on your lies and close my eyes
Bad idea I am lost in the crowd and get hit by a bicyclist
You were my legwarmers for a time
Uh yeah
You were there to support my shins
Wabba de babba de bab
You were so fucked up
Yabba du ba de da
Knitwear Revolution, 2006 "Leg Warmers"
WOLLY JUMPER
You are my cosy, cosy jumper ooh yeah
I love you in a cosy way
I dont want to have sex with you though
Which explains why you have another girl on the side
I dont care I act debonair and stop and stare
Ooh yeah
I stop and stare at your cosy underwear
And wish I wasnt there
Ooh yeah
You come home from work and I hear you burp
You are wrapped up in a grey cardigan and act like a he she man
I cringe and wish I had another boyfriend because you are shit
I call a cab and put on some slap
I go to a club and wish the music will never stop
I dance around all night rubbing up against someone light
He asks me for a fuma I think he is Italian so I tell him to piss off
I aint desperate enough
I go to the bar and pretend I am driving a car
I look cool with my fag standing there like another hag
I wish I was Claudia Schiffer so I could make all the men quiver
Really I am missing my cosy wolly jumper at home so I go
I dont care I act debonair and stop and stare
Ooh yeah
I stop and stare at the sad tossers out there
And wish I wasnt there
Ooh yeah
I walk home and find you in front of the telly watching the game
Cable tv is a curse in this home
I go to the bedroom and rock up something sexy
I go back in to see you and fuck you and acidentally you call me Lexi
I dont care I act debonair and stop and stare
Ooh yeah
I stop and stare at your expression and see you dont care
And wish I wasnt there
Ooh yeah
I used to think it was all so perfect
Now I know it aint and I know you arent a saint
I get in my car and drive to my mums
I decide we can no longer be chums
Knitwear Revolution, 2006 "Wolly Jumper"
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE T-SHIRT BOYS?
I used to see boys in t shirts
They were so super doper sexy and fun
Now I think they have all gone on the run
Ah the days of fucking around oh yeah
Tshirt boy tshirt boy come back and be my toy
Djinga djinga bash boo la de doo
I wanna take off your tshirt boy and see what is underneath
We can go swimming on Hampstead Heath
Yauw bauw yeah de de de da da da crash boom bash
I see a guy on the street and he smiles at me
I run over and say hello he looks at me and asks me for blow
I tell him I know a guy called Trick who I used to beat off with sticks
The guy smiles and takes me for a coffee I suck on a milky toffee
Tshirt boy tshirt boy come back and be my toy
Djinga djinga bash boo la de doo
I wanna take off your tshirt boy and see what is underneath
We can go swimming on Hampstead Heath
Yauw bauw yeah de de de da da da crash boom bash
I walk down the hill and feel a certain thrill
I feel like a hunter about to kill
An animal or buy a magazine oh yeah
I see a guy and he sniggers at me
I go back and bash his head in
Tshirt boy tshirt boy come back and be my toy
Djinga djinga bash boo la de doo
I wanna take off your tshirt boy and see what is underneath
We can go swimming on Hampstead Heath
Yauw bauw yeah de de de da da da crash boom bash
Knitwear Revolution, 2006 "What happened to the t-shirt boys?"
SPRING/SUMMER/MAN/WOMAN?
I love the summertime
Yeah I do, I do, I do, I do
I wear all my sexy frocks
And hang out on the docks
I bet on the dogs and write on my blogs
I sit in the sun and wait for some fun
I chat up sexy men
And say I ll see them again
I walk around and strut my stuff
I never get quit enough
Of the sexy summertime fun
For you and for me
It can be all it can be
And baby if you wanna come in my car
You gotta promise to come all the way with me
To get the summertime feeling, oh yeah oh yeah
Dont talk about tomorrow it will only bring you sorrow
I am a hot chick sucking on your dick
And you never will know I used to be a man
When I was called John my mum said I was an odd one
She used to get cross when I nicked her fake tan
When I wore her shoes she used to refuse
Baby, baby the summertime feeling is making me aroused
Sing along with me as we drive down to Brighton beach
I wanna sit on a rock and look at the dock
La de da de da de da de da ya ya ya yaumabubbabba da
Knitwear Revolution, 2006 "Spring/Summer/Man/Woman?"
OLD JUMPERS AND NEW TRENDS
When I look in my closet I am stunned
To see how many jumpers I have collected
Its almost as Ive been conned
I no longer feel so connected
The knitwear I used to wear
I now just stop and wanna tear
It all apart
I just wanna look super doper smart
Yeah yeah yeah yeah ooh yeah
I used to be much less into fashion
It used to be easy to shop
Now I have developed a passion
And I cannot ever stop
The knitwear I used to wear
I now just stop and wanna tear
It all apart
I just wanna look super doper smart
Yeah yeah yeah yeah ooh yeah
I am in a bar in Soho
I see a wolly jumper
I know fashion now is boho
And I wanna go and thump her
The knitwear I used to wear
I now just stop and wanna tear
It all apart
I just wanna look super doper smart
Yeah yeah yeah yeah ooh yeah
I am dancing around in the Lock
I see a V-neck and I choke up
Fashion crazy is what I am
I get distracted and snog a boy called Sam
The knitwear I used to wear
I now just stop and wanna tear
It all apart
I just wanna look super doper smart
Yeah yeah yeah yeah ooh yeah
I ask him to come home with me
He says he wants to but he just needs to fetch his stuff
You can imagine what I am about to see
A wolly jumper is on him when I tell him to fuck off
The knitwear I used to wear
I now just stop and wanna tear
It all apart
I just wanna look super doper smart
Yeah yeah yeah yeah ooh yeah
Knitwear Revolution, 2006 "Old Jumpers and New Trends"
TWO FOR THE ROAD
I am in a fancy motorcar
You already guessed it I am a star
A tabloid queen and often in a magazine
I am a mover and shaker on the London scene
You, you, you aint good enough for me
You can take me only in a limousine
If you have a cup of coffee
I might say go fuck yourself and suck on a toffee
Because I am used to lots and lots
And you baby about you I just dont give a toss
Walking down the red carpet
I see Jonathan Ross and I wave and he sees my armpit
Yuk how gross and how revolting
Then I see Mcauley Culkin
I love it when I am dancing
Lots of guys are afraid of chancing
Chatting me up
They are afraid Ill make them drop
Everyone is in love with me
Of course the reason why is plain to see
I am sexy I am hot
And I am good at sucking cock
You, you, you aint good enough for me
You can take me only in a limousine
If you have a cup of coffee
I might say go fuck yourself and suck on a toffee
Because I am used to lots and lots
And you baby about you I just dont give a toss
One day I will be alone and single
And I will be on the radio doing a voice over jingle
Because it will be my only option when I have failed all else
And maybe Ill live in a flat with nasty smells
You, you, you aint good enough for me
You can take me only in a limousine
If you have a cup of coffee
I might say go fuck yourself and suck on a toffee
Because I am used to lots and lots
And you baby about you I just dont give a toss
Knitwear Revolution, 2006 "Two for the Road"
MALE MODEL BE MINE
He's a male model and he isn't gay
I can't believe my luck today
He is very broke and poor
I wonder if I can pay him to come on my tour
Male model be miiiiaaaiiiineeee
Male model all the taaaiiiiimmmiiieee
Male model I want your
Your look is like a powerful hex
Yau Yeah Wow bam bam da dam
We are walking around Soho and I can tell he is lost
He doesn't read so well, and I don't think he gives a toss
Street names and direction
They don't really get his attention
I am at a fashion show
With my new male model boyfriend Joe
He is strutting up and down the catwalk
And all the women look and stop to talk
All they can do is think:
Male model be miiiiaaaiiiineeee
Male model all the taaaiiiiimmmiiieee
Male model I want your sex
Your look is like a powerful hex
Yau Yeah Wow bam bam da dam
I take my male model on holiday
I know at the end I will have to pay
I am the only one with a proper job
And of fashion products I don't need a constant top-up
But it's ok because he's fit and really good at givin it
All a lady needs is some really hot shit
To keep her warm at night
With someone who doesn't put up a fight
And looks a bit of all right
Male model be miiiiaaaiiiineeee
Male model all the taaaiiiiimmmiiieee
Male model I want your sex
Your look is like a powerful hex
Yau Yeah Wow bam bam da dam
Knitwear Revolution, 2006 "Male Model be Mine"
LAMBSWOOL NO MORE
I used to say I don't mind what you are
In my eyes anyone can be a superstar
You were a lambswool sexy tight knit
And I used to think you were a real snug fit
Lambswool no more
uh uh uh uh
Lambswool no more
Yau Yau Yeah
Lambswool no more
Wheeey yau yeah
You just aint what I want
I remember standing in line in Karen Millen
I never usually go there, but I gave it a chance
It was a rainy afternoon and I needed shelter
So I went in and found you on a shelf there
I picked you up and you were so soft
Your soft vibrant colours caressed my cheek
And I knew I had to have you even if you came cheap
You were just so thrilling and a real steal a must
Lambswool no more
uh uh uh uh
Lambswool no more
Yau Yau Yeah
Lambswool no more
Wheeey yau yeah
You just aint what I want
I was happy and singing that day as I walked down Knightsbridge
I knew I was going home to wear something makeshift
But so beautiful and snug
All I could think of was the soft lambswool feeling you brought to me
When I got home I put you
You fitted like a torso in a pullover so nice and fun
I sat on my sofa all day and couldn't let myself stop smiling
It was the best fit I ever had although not the best quality blend
Lambswool no more
uh uh uh uh
Lambswool no more
Yau Yau Yeah
Lambswool no more
Wheeey yau yeah
You just aint what I want
I took you out for dinner and it worked at first
I didn't need to dry clean you as you could go in the washing machine
It didn't take very much effort to get you clean
I loved that you and I were so snug and comfy at first
Then after a couple of washes you started to burst
It was like you were burning with thirst
You shrank and you shrank and bubbles appeared
It was like you wanted me to be skinnier to fit into your yarn
Lambswool no more
uh uh uh uh
Lambswool no more
Yau Yau Yeah
Lambswool no more
Wheeey yau yeah
You just aint what I want
At first I tried to lose weight so I could still wear you
I tried to stretch you too but you cried and whined
In the end I knew there was only one thing to do
It was to get rid of you
Now I am back at shopping off the high street
I am sick of having to change my wardrobe constantly
So I buy good quality goods
I have my jumpers dry cleaned and looked after by Judd
Because...
Lambswool no more
uh uh uh uh
Lambswool no more
Yau Yau Yeah
Lambswool no more
Wheeey yau yeah
You just aint what I want
Knitwear Revolution, 2006 "Lambswool No More"
GOLF SWEATER
I once knew a golf sweater he wore himself so well
He said he was a Pringle
Only I could really tell
That he was a Benetton and much, much cheaper
Than he admitted to
I once knew a golf sweater I will tell a story to you
Golf, golf sweater, you are a snob
Golf, golf sweater get a job
Golf, golf sweater be who you really are
Golf, golf sweater you could be a caddy star
Golf, golf sweater instead you aim for pro
Golf, golf sweater what is wrong with you
My golf sweater friend he is on the green again
I walk up to say hi and he barely sees me
He is busy chatting up a windbreaker on hole eight
And I feel the wind go through me, I am only cashmere 40%
The windbreaker is at least 60% and has no synthetics
But I know that my golf sweater friend is all lambswool and no good in the end
Golf, golf sweater, you are a snob
Golf, golf sweater get a job
Golf, golf sweater be who you really are
Golf, golf sweater you could be a caddy star
Golf, golf sweater instead you aim for pro
Golf, golf sweater what is wrong with you
I see my golf sweater friend in town, he is in the supermarket, Tesco actually
I am in the Waitrose, across the street and I wave, he looks down and I can see a tear fall
Embarrassment is fierce and I drive away in my Ferrari car
He lives in a small flat behind Gloucester Road and drives a Ford Escort
I live in the Bolton's and I have my own moth balls
He is realising he is a Benetton sweater and I can't say anything to help
Ah, why did you have to always pretend?
Golf, golf sweater, you are a snob
Golf, golf sweater get a job
Golf, golf sweater be who you really are
Golf, golf sweater you could be a caddy star
Golf, golf sweater instead you aim for pro
Golf, golf sweater what is wrong with you
I look in the mirror one day and I can see the label says Chanel
I look again and I smile at myself
I am in a shop and I can see a blue Armarni smiling at me
I look around and now I feel the warmth coming to me
I forget about the golf sweater I used to know
The sweater that is now in a charity shop in Milton Keynes
Where it could have been still in a wardrobe in S W ten
It is now alone with a hundred others like him
Golf, golf sweater, you are a snob
Golf, golf sweater get a job
Golf, golf sweater be who you really are
Golf, golf sweater you could be a caddy star
Golf, golf sweater instead you aim for pro
Golf, golf sweater what is wrong with you
Knitwear Revolution, 2006 "Golf Sweater"
ITCHY POLYESTER BLEND
You itchy, itchy, ithcy jumper
Uaaaaoohhhh
You itch me, itch me, itch me
Uaaaaoohhhh
I'm gonna take you off now
Uaaaaoohhhh
And scratch myself all over
Uaaaaoohhhh
I now feel so much warmer
Uaaaaoohhhh
Itchy polyester blend you make me so horny
Itchy polyester blend you are my afrodisiac
You itch me, itch me, itch me to have a self fulfilled shag
You itchy, itchy, ithcy jumper
Uaaaaoohhhh
You itch me, itch me, itch me
Uaaaaoohhhh
I'm gonna take you off now
Uaaaaoohhhh
And scratch myself all over
Uaaaaoohhhh
I now feel so much warmer
Uaaaaoohhhh
I walk around my house in my itchy polyester jumper
My hands are all over myself and I wanna lie down and ****
But I cannot do it to you because you are made of wool
And as I come all over you I notice you start to smell
You itchy, itchy, ithcy jumper
Uaaaaoohhhh
You itch me, itch me, itch me
Uaaaaoohhhh
I'm gonna take you off now
Uaaaaoohhhh
And scratch myself all over
Uaaaaoohhhh
I now feel so much warmer
Uaaaaoohhhh
I put you my sexy itchy polyester jumper in the washing machine
I put it onto delicates and wool and only thirty degrees
Still when you come out you have shrunk and I no longer feel so hot
For you my itchy polyester blend
You itchy, itchy, ithcy jumper
Uaaaaoohhhh
You itch me, itch me, itch me
Uaaaaoohhhh
I'm gonna take you off now
Uaaaaoohhhh
And scratch myself all over
Uaaaaoohhhh
I now feel so much warmer
Uaaaaoohhhh
I drop you outside in the bin and cry as I walk in
I see a cat walk up to where you are buried in the trash and I wanna spend my cash
On a new itchy polyester jumper to get me hot again
The cat snuggles up next to you and I know you are forever lost
You itchy, itchy, ithcy jumper
Uaaaaoohhhh
You itch me, itch me, itch me
Uaaaaoohhhh
I'm gonna take you off now
Uaaaaoohhhh
And scratch myself all over
Uaaaaoohhhh
I now feel so much warmer
Uaaaaoohhhh
Knitwear Revolution, 2006 "Itchy Polyester Blend"