I realised I haven't posted on here for some time - its august that's my excuse politics take a break and so shall I. Will not post untill september unless something worth mentioning.

Only thing I want to note the Labour party NEC elections - looks like the loonies won most seats, with a protest vote giving Walter Wolfgang a place, for novelty value- can't see that he'll contribute much (apart for muttering "rubbish" at inappropriate moments)

some is wrong with myspace, not loading correctly not sure if this will load p will come back later & see

I wasn't going to post tonight - but anyway. Last nights LGC meeting lived up to my expectations, lots of infighting and dissent, get 2 or more labour party members in a room and an arguement ensues, 5 or more members and you have a committe (ok, I know its an old, old joke).
at least the LGC is up and limping, & officers elected. I am not one of the chosen few so like some others we are expected to be there, not augue and vote when told to. I am not sure have things will progress, but it has to be given a chance so I will go to the next meeting or two before I decide whether I can be bothered participating.

THe LGC is necessary, but I don't feel it is a necessary part of my life, There are better places to be.

Having spent the last couple of hours quaffing vino and surfing blog sites - what a mix: - some very good, some too bad to even think about, so many abandoned blogs that should be shut down, and those that are so completely pretentious and up their own arses you can't help but giggle.

As my antidote to to pretentiousness (bet that's spelt wrong) In future all my postings will have a joke/or maybe not - you guess, book or film or music that I probably wouldn't be seeen dead anywhere near. (see below for example).

I am very sad but its my idea of great humour.

Having given the matter some thought I have decided to continue for now with this blog, and use it (mainly) to talk about the Labour Party. In particular local issues here in the district of Bradford.

I know it seems a bit silly to be navel gazing on issues that are only of interest to a small number of people, when in the Middle East people are blowing each other to bits. But I try not to talk about things that I know little about, because when you give an ill-informed, knee jeck opinion about something it more often than not comes back to haunt you later.

Tomorrow sees the inaugral meeting of the New Bradford and District Local Government Committee (LGC). The Disrict has been without a District wide body for about six years now since the old District Party colapased through lack of support. This means that election candidates can be selected by local members and also that there is an district wide strategy put in place, to win as many council seats as possible also to retain all Labour MP's. And eventually win Shipley back from the Tories.

For the last few yeas the process has been overseen by the regional party who did their best, but did't have the personnel to do all they need to, plus run Bradford selection process on top. So in some resepts the selections in the area have been last gasp, and disorganised.

Previous moved to form the LGC have been half-hearted and flounded - because of lack of support. But although there are fewer bodies on the ground, there is more enthusiasum and unity to campaign, then there has been for some years. This was evident when Labour gained six seats in the 2006 local elections - very much against the trend.

There is a lot of work yet to be done to get the LGC up and running, but as one of the Delegates, who make up the new LGC. I intend to do as much as possible to make it work, because without it it will be that much harder to re-gain control of Bradford Council.

Looking at last posts - must get out of self pity mode - I am not really this self absorbed.

Looking around have found what seems to be a much more sophisticated blogging site the new blog is called  On The Hill   - I will be moving there soon & as I don't think I can run 2 blogs will possibly phase this one out or use one for politcs & one for other things

Continuing from the last blog, I am not sure how to get all the stuff I want to say down in a coherent way so it makes sense when written down. To recap I have said I feel I am having a personal crisis, this seems to be happening because I am feeling lonely, pressured about where to go politically, there are other pressure in my life which also lead to a feeling of being trapped, among these are worries about my parents - now living seperately - my father is obviously having memory problems which seem to be getting worse recently, although he is in sheltered housing, it my soon come to the point when he needs more care. My mother is totally relient on support from home care services and myself as nearest reletive. She is blind and I have to call in every day to help, (two or three times at weekends) this means I find it difficult to have any free time and don't get away at all.

Last Thursday at work the whole computer system went down, not being able to work I finished early and spent some time browsing around the city centre, and took time to have a pint in a nearby pub. As I sat there feeling relaxed and quite happy. Until out of the blue I suddenly had one of those moments of enlightenment - it struck me that I was in fact deeply unhappy about my life in general, and that I had spent quite some time avoiding even facing this fact. For example I have kept putting off many tasks at home under any pretext to do nothing in particular, at times normal mundane jobs that are usually done almost without thinking have become large obstacles that can't be faced.

Having at last realised I needed to get a hold of things, and that I needed to shake things up was a real eye opener. As I sat with my drink I belatedly began to see I should try to decide for myself where to go and stop wairting for events and other people to decide for me.
One of the first things was to start this blog as a way of organising way thoughts and feelings. Next the need to get some of the jobs that have been hanging around done and out of way.

It must seems odd now that I didn't see how my life had become somewhat messed up, but having woken up I am feeling much more positive, whereas before I wasn't even thinking much just mentally bobbing along keeping my head above water.

So now I have at last discovered the roots of my unhappiness I now have to examine them to see the best way to proceed.

Having decided to write a blog I aslo decided to see some examples of how other people write their blogs, to find out what was happening in this new world I had opened the door to. One area I came across was Bloggers for Labour

I know that many members of the Labour Party are far from happy with both the Leadership and the direction the party is heading. Its no secret large numbers of people have left because they disagree about one thing or another. Some I was pleased to see the back of, and hope never to see them again. But many others, who are decent thoughtful people, I greatly miss them and would welome them back with open arms if there was a way of persuading them to return to the party.

Having faced the fact I was unhappy made me again realise my dilemma about whether to stand for council again, was mainly around my personal disenchantment with the party. Indeed I am wondering why I am still a member, given that currently the party has clearly lost its way and morally has become something I find pretty repulsive.

A candate has to be seen as fully supporting Labour's policies and actions. Which is something I am finding hard to do. I know I share most of the values that many people in the party have, and that politically I feel completely at home in the Labour party. But to be able to stand up and declare that Labour is the best party to vote for, is at present something I am relucent to do. Can I go out knocking on doors and ask people to vote for something I don't fully support myself?

The problem for me is that there appears to be two Labour parties - the National party which I am getting close to despising, and the local party which I love dearly. Can I work for one without compromising my lack of supoort for the other? Or given my dislike of what the national party has become, can I campagn locally with a clear conciense?

Ok this is my second posting and I'd like to explain my background and current beliefs and activities in life. This I hope will set the context for this blog and explain where I am coming from.

I don't want to go into too much detail, after all at half a century old a detailed autobiography could go into several volumes. I intend to go through the main events that have informed by beliefs and brought me to where I am today.

My parents are Quakers, and although I am not, I have a retained deep respect for Quaker values and beliefs. I was for a while an active member of the Anglican Church, and have looked at Taoism and Zen Buddism, but am currently agnostic.

I left school age fifteen, with no clear idea for the future, spent the next seventeen years in the catering industry which involved long, unsocial hours. I got married in 1984, and ended up with four children - only wanted two but the second child were twins, and number four wasn't planned.

I may go into my marriage another time but it was a painful experience. I still find it had to think about nearly twenty years later. Basically my wife developed into an unpleasent alcoholic, and made my family's life hell for quite some time - even after the divorce came through.

It took a bit of doing but eventually I was granted custudy of my children, it was almost unheard of at that time for the father to take responsiblity for the children. With four very young children to look after, I had to leave work and become a single parent. Some people with good memories may realise how hard this was in Thatchers Britian in the late eighties, when single parents were made into scrapegoats for all society's wrongs.


I lost my seat partly because of boundary changes, and partly some other reasons I my go into another time. Now as my childeren are nearly grown up I am working as a temp in a Bank, but am still politically active as Chair of the Local Constituency Party. Although I had some good times as a councillor one of my current problems is whether or not to try to return - or to get on and enjoy the life I have built up since leaving council two years ago. There is some expection from some people that I should return, it seems I did a fairly reasonable job and some think I should return. But I am not fully convinced this is where I should, or even want to be going.

I have been single for a long time now and after my experiences I was only too happpy to run my life and have the freedom that a single life brings. But time moves on, the childeren are all of a sudden young adults, with their own lives, and I don't need to be there all the time. However I now also find I am perhaps more willing to entertain the idea of finding a partner for hopefully a meaningful relationship. (I have had some short term flings I'm not a monk) but they didn't work - partly I feel because I wasn't ready to be open enough and share.

There we are, the potted version of my life, - now as they say read on.

Greetings & welcome

I find myself on the edge of my first mid-life crisis (I'm  late starter), and plan to use this blog as an ongoing dialogue (mainly with myself , but feel free to join in) to examine where i am & where I am going. Although I will be commmenting on life as I find it.