I am working on a little idea/project and would appreciate any input you have.
When you suffer from insomnia, what pet cures or remedies do you use to help get you back to sleep?

Appreciate anything you have.

Thanks!
~Christy

Hellooooooooooooooooo

I wanted to thank you guys for the messages and comments and birthday hugs.  I remember telling my Dad when I was about 10 years old, that 40 sounded way too old and that it was far far away.

Now, it's here and it still sounds old-ish, but at least I don't feel or look how I thought 40 would feel or look. I don't think I do anway

I still use Facebook daily - I don't blog there but it is an easier interface for keeping up with people then Myspace seems to be. I will try to check in here at least 2 or 3 times a week, but if you have a Facebook, you can find me by clicking on the badge in the blog below this one or on my profile page.

Spring has sprung. I am so glad to see the sun again
The baby birds have just gotten their chirps
I got my first tan of the season
Then I got my first bug bite of the season
LOST is still breaking my paradoxical mind
I am currently reading a funny and fun book called Dogs and Goddesses
And I am currently watching a special on Emperor Penguins.

If you are still around, thank you for not deleting me. Even if I can't sign in that much, I do when I can. And I miss you guys.

Wishing you, as always, Enough,
x0x0
~Christy

With LOST starting in a few hours I have been cramming lots of factoids into my brain so I am not lost in the time warp any more then I should be....

I was watching the episode, "The Shape of Things to Come"  and it got me to thinking how much  Ben and his adversary, Charles Widmore, remind me of Little Gods.

Bratty, war-minded, siblings, who are also little gods who have been given an odd set of rules by their All Seeing God Dad, and are currently "Locked," in a time shifting tug-o-war, with the Island.
(Yes, I had to use the pun, it seemed apt )

Derek Said It Would Be Like This! (That probably only makes sense if you live in the TriState)

There is a blizzard of white tissuey papery stuff falling all over the place today. It's cold. It's wet. It's rather pointy too. I am camping on the sofa and creating a sphere of happy warmth!

Snow in the news:

Salt Shortage Snow:

So, there is a salt shortage this year...
Salt shortage...
Um, isn't there abundant salt floating about most everywhere? Did someone have a huge salt party over the summer and we are just finding out that there is a lack?  This means that only major arteries will be pre-treated and that the little people like ME, who live in a fricken forest, will have to invest in a home plow so that I don't get stuck in my driveway.

I never thought the words "major arteries" and "salt" in the same sentence, would be a good thing.

Family Guy Snow:



Tom: And now to our weatherman Ollie Williams for the Weather Forecast, Ollie?
Ollie: IT'S SLEETIN' SIDEWAYS!
Tom: Don't you have an umbrella?
Olie: USED TO!
Tom: Where is it now?
Ollie: INSIDE OUT TWO MILES AWAY!
Tom: Is there anything we can do for you?
Ollie: BRING ME SOME SOUP!
Tom: What kind?
Ollie: CHUNKY!
Tom: Thanks, Ollie. Up next, a pig that refuses to eat Jews. After this.

The Backyard in Snow:



If You Can't Beat The Snow:

While meandering around Myspace, I found this little link and took the test... It even came with a personalized detailed summary JUST FOR ME.



Dear Christina,

Thank you for your interest in the Institute of Psychic Development. Your psi-q test results as requested are as follows.

You scored highest in Precognition.

While clairvoyance and telepathy have to do with perceiving events across distance precognition focuses on the ability to 'see' events across time. Specifically future events. Precognition is often for a lot of people totally unexpected and not asked for. It is the ability to see the future. It is usually experienced in a variety of ways among the most common are through feelings, brief inner glimpses, dreams and the third eye.

Your next highest score was for Clairvoyance/Remote Viewing.

Clairvoyance is the ability to see images of an event or events that occurred in the past, present or future. This type of 'seeing' does not occur with your physical sight it occurs with an inner sight. Sometimes these images will be a literal translation other times they are symbolic. It is necessary to develop this skill further in order to more accurately determine if an image is literal or symbolic.

I always thought I had more clairvoyance then precog abilities. Mostly because I have been doing dream readings for so long and have had a lot of success in doing so.

Being that my own personal dealings with anything Psychic has been more of MS CLEO and "tell me now," or the Dionne Warwick's Psychic Friends, I am not familiar with much of it except for the small bits I use while dream reading or dowsing.

Curious though, would knowing who is calling or what someone is going to say or do, does that fall under Precog or is that more of a lucky guess/coincidence?  I don't actually believe anything happens "coincidentely," rather I feel it's more of a "everything happens for a reason even if I don't get it." 

So, I wasn't sure if the Guess the Caller was a thing most people just do by intuition (figuring out who was most likely to call and when,) or if it was a touch O' Precog.

Curious, um er, Psychic minds want to know!
And I'd love to see your results if you take test. It's about 50 quick questions. Here is the linky dink.

And I couldn't resist this:

*Small note*
The test I took wasn't indepth and while it asked more questions then Quizilla, I wouldn't say it was the exclusive determination on just how psychic one is.

Enjoy the weekend lovelies!

Historic Promont House Museum 

Me standing in front of Promont

Promont House in Milford, Ohio, has been listed on the National Register of Historic Places since 1980. It is an Italianate Victorian structure, built in 1865 by William Megrue. Megrue's Folly was the houses first name but when John Pattison bought the house, his wife found that vulgar and renamed it Promont - "house on the hill."

The house was purchased in 1879 by John Pattison, who became the 43rd governor of Ohio in 1905. The house, named the "finest house in Clermont County" when built, was received by the Greater Milford Area Historical Society in 1984 from the estate of James Kirgan.

Looking out from the tall Tower at Promont

Promont, once surrounded by about 50 acres of land, is now situated on five acres overlooking the village of Milford. Small gardens, labeled native Ohio trees and benches provide a restful view of the grounds and house. The interior of the house has been restored to the magnificence of the Victorian period when it was occupied by John Pattison.

Tree of Life Stained Glass Window

A large stained glass window on the front stairway, varied moldings in each room, Italian marble fireplaces, and a four story tower offering a panoramic view of the town, provide a trip back to the elegance of the Victorian Period. The stained glass window, now called the Tree of Life, was found in the basement during restoration. It was cleaned and "brought upstairs and back to life" hence given the name. I loved it. The sunlight shone brightly through giving the light a pleasing glow.

Over-All Thoughts on my visit to Promont:

Wow.  I first heard about Promont through the Ghost Hunter's Guide to Haunted Ohio by Chris Woodward. I knew it was somewhere close by but never got around to visiting the place until yesterday.

Unless you are actually looking for it, you will pass it right by. There is only a simple sign on the street, surrounded by gorgeous trees, letting you know Promont is up the hill. Trust me, take the turn and go, the place is truly amazing.

I read the stories and the history of Promont, a portion of which I added above. Even so, I wasn't expecting to see such an amazing home. The entire house is filled with photo's, clothing, furniture and more. All from the various era's the house was lived in.  The Milford Historical Society has done some remarkable restoration of the house, my favorite - removing all the lead paint from the beautiful red brick.


The entryway opens up to this huge staircase which has 23 steps going up - when most homes have about 11 or 12. The newel post had a mortgage button in it, which I had only heard about but never seen. Victorian practice was to keep your papers in the post and when you paid it off, you placed them or the ashes if you burned it, in the post and sealed it shut.

I was even given a peek into the offices/ library. Mistake! That library holds maps, geneology records and scrapbooks from the area as well as many books of the era - I told the tour guide I'd be back. I will probably have a very large bag with me too! Leonard L Harding Jr Library - Click that to read more on the library.

From the stories I read, the two main spots of "haunted," activity were the formal parlor, where bodies where laid in state. Pattison died in the master bedroom and both his wives also died in the house, as well as the master bedroom. While I didn't feel anything out of the ordinary in the parlor, I did feel a sense of "coming home comfort," from the master bedroom, close to the fainting couch. The entire house actually gave off that homey feeling, but it came over me strongly in that room.

The other spot that gave me a rather odd chill, was up on the second floor landing. There was a large tapestry hung on the wall over the large staircase, done in hues of deep greens, I think depicting a hunting scene. For whatever reason, even standing there in the bright sun, I got the creepy crawlies and wanted to move away.

Since it was our first visit, we opted for a guided tour of the house and learned a lot of the history as well as meeting a lovely lady who had painted some of the art currently hung there. The house is chock full of history going back to Revolutionary times and the walls are hung with photos of people, places and many things spanning the eras.

The photo I posted up there, of me in the stairwell, shows several landings - each of which is covered in photos - more then we had time to look at. Walking up to the top of the tower was a bit spooky, I don't like heights, but I am so glad I walked up, the view is spectacular and I could see what it would have been like to see it back in the day, with no treeline or streets - just a view from the top of a hill.  Also advantageous as a look out so the owners could see anyone coming closer to attack, indians were the main threat of that time.


Here is a picture of the formal parlor, where everyone was allowed to occupy. Children were usually kept out of the smaller back parlor which was full of both sparkly and fragile furniture and accesories. Above the piano is a heart shaped wreath made out of human hair. Back then, hair was collected in fine china containers for lockets and other keepsakes.

Yes, I see the orb at the top of the photo, but I think it's dust. I am not a huge orb fan *lol*



I was unaware that this area was even situated back in the Revolutionary era and to see just how many keepsakes Promont and Milford hold was truly memorable and eye opening.

I hope to go back again soon, when we have more time. We got there close to closing time so we didn't get to meander around as much as I'd have liked to. Also, since we were with a tour guide, I really didn't get a chance to open up my senses to see what else was there.

I usually don't feel at ease right off when walking into someone else's home. But Promont did capture something inside me as soon as I walked in.  I wanted to stay and SoCalCool wanted to buy it!  It is a lovely house, full of feelings like comfort and love. I felt it inviting me back and I will return again - to see what or who may be inviting me to learn more.

What Truly Scares You?


Lately, I've noticed that the books I've been reading or movies I've watched on TV have all been based on fears. From bio-terrorism to mega monster freaks that kill, there are a lot of things in this world that can scare us.

Using my psychology background, I automatically want to categorize it, find a common demoninator and find out what it is that scares people so much and how can we face that fear?

I have a few theories but before I went forward, I thought I would ask you because you all rock and tend to help me see things I missed or see things in a new way.

For example, a few things that really scare the crud out of me:

* Clowns - I had a huge blow up punching bag clown as a baby and I hated that thing. Add in IT and the clown under the bed in the movie Poltergeist. Nuff said. (Also add in, mimes, ventriloquist dummy's and any of those freaky old fashioned dolls that just look evil.)

* Tornado's - Just don't like them. Don't mind storms, just not the green ones

* Closed in hot places - I was stuck in a playground jungle gym plane, upside down, with my arms pinned to my sides, when I was a kid, didn't get out for a few hours. Since then I tend to get the creeps when I am in a small or enclosed area that has no free flowing air or a place I can see the exit.

I know why I fear those things and I can see what they all have in common but before I go further in my thinking, I'd like to ask you:
What truly scares you. And why, if you don't mind me asking.

Humbug :
"Something intended to deceive; a hoax or fraud.A person who claims to be other than what he or she is; an impostor."

We, as people, are given something called, "Free Speech," and it's part of the First Amendment. We are told we live in the "land of the free," but in fact, these particular freedoms are being taken away. So, free speech, really isn't free.


Right now they only attack and shut down the area of broadcasting - remember Howard Stern?  So far, newspapers, magazines and cable are free from the censorship. But their next goal is to get cable.

There are wars going on, the economy sucks but if someone says SHIT in front of the wrong company - you give some very interesting people reasons to start a "cause."

I introduce you to Ginny. She is a mom and a driver's ed teacher in a small town. She also has a website "hushup.com" and likes to tell her friends and student drivers, "better ways to express yourself." Yes, HER ways.  She protests profanity because it "degrades society."

Ginny likes to use "baby words" to express herself and she has every right to do so. What she doesn't have is the right to tell you or me, what I can say. Some of her favorites are:

SHAZBOT - from the once famous Mork and Mindy show
BABY BIBS - it sounds good when yelled
SHUT THE FRONT DOOR - I am assuming "front door" replaces FUCK UP?

The last two are my personal favorites... you'll love these:
SANTA VACA and I SWEAR TO BUDDHA

There is some great reasoning behind these, just wait. You see, Santa Vaca means holy cow in Spanish. But, to some religions, cows are holy - therefore, it's ok for Ginny to profane someone else's God, just not her own. Think I am stretching that?

Her reason for saying, "I swear to Buddha," in her own quotable words are, "If you are going to profane a deity, I guess it might as well not be your own."

So, when she states that "God does NOT want you to use His name in vain," she must mean, her God, not anyone elses. By using Ginny's words, you aren't bothering anyone and ugly words are the "agents of death."

Free speech was put into place for any speech. The most heinous neo-nazi rantings to the fluffiest tree-huggers rallies. The Founding Father's knew that to limit free speech would be to give too much power to the government.

Another fun activist against the profane is Jim O'Conner. He wrote a book called, "Cuss Control." His goals are are to teach everyone how:

- To curb your anger (my anger is just fine, thanks)
- to make the world a nicer place (cursing isn't going to undent that)
- to sound more intelligent (I beg your fucking pardon monsieur?)
- communicate more clearly (sometimes swearing is the only word that gets heard)
- be more pleasent (bahahaahahahahahaaha)
- avoid offending others (ok, but I am usually pretty good here)
- show emotional control (I can have a complete fit NOT swearing)
- earn respect (either you are or you aren't. Swearing is optional)
- improve your relations (sexual? I think it would add some zazz)
- avoid conflicts (or quite possibly end them quicker, 50/50 on that one)
- be a happier person ( I am quite fucking happy, jackass)
- contribute to a better society (Do I not amuse you? Er, contribute to you?)

Right!

Mr. O'Conner claims that the First Amendment is a good thing but not quite right anymore... stating, "Individual rights have precedence over society as a whole"

WHY YES Mr. O'conner, that is the jist of the Constitution

He goes on to say that, "the Founding Fathers could not have forseen the profanity and that we should put limits on what is being said or allowed to be said."

Words come and go and at any given time can be good, bad, or ugly. But they are words.  Several linguists had a discussion on this topic and disovered that: certain sounds if said in a certain way will make people uncomfortable for reasons they cannot explain. (They might have something there...)



They also went on to talk about HOW something is said.
We hear the word "dog" and think of cute little puppy. Dog = good.
We hear the word "fuck" and some might cringe. Fuck = bad.

What about yelling at the top of your lungs with a mean look on your face and saying "I LOVE YOU SO MUCH."  Or, in a sweet and loving cuddling way, petting a puppy and saying, "soon as this show is over little one I am going to take your cute little butt out back and run you over with my car."


Inflection and context can give words their power and meaning.
There is a culture war on that has moralists wanting to parent people in how they say things. But, they don't advocate peace, don't care if you speak in hate as long as you use NICE words. Because nice words means you are educated. Use appropriate words and you are smart and educated. Use profanity and you are a freakish hick.

No need to change your behavior or treat each other nicer or even control your anger. They don't care about respecting others or learning patience as long as you use appropriate words. Not the package, just the wrapping.

The CEO of Merriam Webster tells us that there are, "classes" of words. And that profanity is the lowest of the classes. Two of these classes are, "profane" and, "obscene."

Profane words include words that are "vulgar" or offensive, such as: Bitch, Prick, Twat, Jerk-Off, and Asshole.

Obscene words are usually descriptive of body parts or functions and include: Cunt, Tits, Shit, Piss, Fuck and Cocksucker.

Words have a shock value. When first heard they can be very offensive and then perhaps after awhile, the word becomes so over-used that we don't notice it, or the word becomes obsolete, like "Humbug."  But no matter how you slice it, people are always going to express themselves... it is their right.


Lenny Bruce was the last person to be put in jail for using offensive words. I thought Bruce was funny, insightful and the way he combined his act was done in a way that was both telling and humorous. He spoke to the people as he was spoken to by the people around him. And his act made people think about that.

Funny story, the same night Bruce was arrested, a man in the audience refused to show his ID to the owner, said he, "didn't believe in ID's." He too, was tossed in the car with Bruce and jailed as well. That man was George Carlin. And we all know at least seven things about Carlin, right?


Winding down now, but it's been an interesting trip hasn't it? We learned:
That it's ok to curse using someone else's God
Ok to say something mean and hurtful as long as we use the nice words to do it
and
That if we use profanity we must not be educated.

My thoughts on this are many and varied. Do I curse? Yes, I fucking do.  But I don't use it in mixed company and I tend to be as respectful as I can. I use my right to self expression and I use it tactfully.

We all have our own ideas of what is profane and what isn't and each of those meanings are relative to what another's is. Freedom of speech means FREEDOM of speech. But it is useful to add respect in when around company you don't know. And for SHABOTZ and BABY BIBS sake, don't push your morality on me or anyone else.

If something bothers a person they can turn the channel, leave the group of people talking, turn off the radio or read another weblog. Hell, there are PROFANITY FILTERS available on the web now. Stick one on your damn computer now.

We cannot stifle freedom of speech, that would null and void the concept.

"Government big enough to supply everything you need is big enough to take everything you have ... The course of history shows that as a government grows, liberty decreases." Thomas Jefferson

Humbug - "It's the words you use, not the words you don't use, that show what you know." ~ Penn & Teller

   This blog is open to friends and "not friends (yet,) in the hopes of a well rounded discussion on varied topics. Please respect the thoughts therein and do not make me beat you about the head and neck for foul play.

I will leave no links nor will I actually hop into this conversation until the weekend - (Until then my brain is owned by CSI.)  I want you to think, consider, contemplate and expound all on your own...

Wake Up! Wake Up!

At some point the person you THINK you are is going die. WAKE UP now and content yourself with knowing this:

The hurts and sorrows, the struggles, all of that will end. It is how you live HERE and  NOW that makes up your life in the present. Everything you have gone through in the past, is the sum of what you are today. Take those lessons and thoughts, integrate them into who you really are. Keep only that which is good and helpful and discard the rest, for it does you no good to hold on to attachments that will pull you back down.

Love is the reality of the world we live in. Call it "love," or "spirit," or "God," that is the glue that holds everything together.

IT IS ALL ONE

Once you open your mind and heart to see and hear and feel this, nothing else matters.  Struggling against this basic thought will only lead to dis-ease and discontentment. Release yourself of that struggle, let go of the mind and relax into the world around you.

Don't resist life, that is an uphill battle. Simply do your best everyday and know that in doing so, you are being 100 percent faithful to yourself and Spirit. Open up your eyes and SEE you are so much more then you imagine yourself to be.

You are the a part of the world and the universe and you are connected to everyone else in that way. Spirit connects us all in a way that we can all play together in love and light, if we stop trying to make it a struggle and start to LIVE.

When I decided to stop trying to make things happen, the way I FELT they should happen, things started to work, without me trying. It's when we try to hold the reins too tightly, that we wander of the path that the Universe put us on, let it do the leading, open your heart and follow, knowing it won't steer you wrong.

Wake UP!

Regain that humor you left at the way station - you'll need it, because laughter is love. It is the healing light of Spirit.


The struggles and the hurts and the pains we have felt and will feel again, will come and with them, we have to learn to take the lessons they give us and then let them go. No, this is not, nor will it ever be, easy. But we don't have to make it harder.

Learn the lessons.. take the lessons with you and LEAVE the experience (baggage) behind you. The lessons will shape your future and growth, the experience will keep you in the past.

Letting that hurt go does something marvelous - it free's you.

You are FREE

"When one is willing and eager, the gods join in." ~ Aeschylus

Peace
~Christy

It all started with a box of Animal Crackers

I noticed an abundance of sheep in my box of Animal Crackers. I was looking for a monkey, there were none. Because I was irked at this fact, I was given the box and was specifically told there were monkeys in it, I put the box down and looked over at the TV set.

The History Channel is currently airing a show called, "Hell, The Devil's Domain."  Parts of this show are very interesting so I pause in my monkey search, or sheep collection, to watch.  The show touches upon the witch trials, the inquisition, life/death experiences and the consequences of living in a "Christian" world while not being a "Christian."  I realize now, most of this show is based upon Christian doctrine.)

I have issues with biased programming but I stayed with it as I liked the topic.  Also included were commentary about the works; Milton's Paradise Lost and Dante's Divine Commedia. (Both of which I am very fond of.) 

The show then segued into the holy roller type of churches where people fall and jitter and PTL while crying tears and being saved, "Demon be gone."  This type of worship has always bothered me. If it works for you, good, I'm not knocking it, but I have never been impressed by the showy, glittery worship acts. I can see those in Vegas.

The show then went into Satanism. The complete opposite of the spectrum? Not really. The services were similar, substitute the "Christ" for "Satan," and the biggest difference being the intoning of "Hail Satan," along with an abundance of black clothing and lipstick.

I was not impressed by the stereotyping of "rock music." That is passe' and just asinine. I listen to rock music, therefore I must be anti-Christian and worship the dark lord, (Hail Voldemort) while drinking sheep's blood. I knew those Animal Cracker sheep were going to come in handy.

In all, it was a fascinating show, as most of The History Channel shows are. There were things I agreed with and things I didn't. What got my attention was the line, "If you don't believe in Hell, then you believe that Hitler and Mother Teresa belong in the same place."



I did a double take, or double listen, and then stopped to assess the statement. For one thing, it's a broad generalization, in my opinion, and I dislike generalizations period. It's also probably a good idea to note that I neither believe in a Heaven or a Hell, as pictured by the general audience. No eden-like habitats or black pits of despair.  If I had to picture a "hell," it would probably come close to Dante's Purgatorio. Starting in Elysian Fields and ending in the frozen wastes of "you did some bad shit in life and now you are going to sit on the scales."

Mostly, I feel that the idea of heaven and hell are symbolic. A state of mind or soul, not a real place of big puffy clouds or steaming brimfire. Therefore, Hitler's soul would not end up having tea with Mother Teresa and if they did, she would probably teach him a thing or two. What about tossing in that good old "unconditional love?" Then there is a damn good chance they would not only have tea together, but he may have some insights for her as well. Fair is fair, in the game of Unconditional Love.

So, how is it that, if I don't believe in hell, that I automatically get put into a group that believes Hitler is the equal of Mother Teresa? It doesn't equate.

Most religions have their version of heaven and hell. Some speak of a place and some speak of a state of being. Hell meaning, "separated or away from God."  I guess that particular statement rubbed me wrong because I dislike being lumped into a generalized category.

I don't believe in the Christian Hell but if I did, then Hitler, being "bad," would end up in Hell and Mother T, being "good," would go to Heaven.  Unless you go back to that Grace of Unconditional Love and then why wouldn't they end up in the same place? I don't want to veer too far off topic, but if Jesus died for all sins, and all is forgiven, well, you see my point.

I digress.

I think of "hell," as a shading of sorts, depending on what you do in life and how you act as you live. To me, Hell is now, not a destination for the evil doers, but something we create inside ourselves. I realize that doesn't make a lot of sense, it does in my head, so if you can get in there, welcome to it.

Karma, getting your just desserts, you get what you deserve. Those are more along the lines of what I see, instead of a cut and dried, Christian, heaven or hell. If that is the case, then Hitler would obviously NOT be anywhere near Mother Teresa. His Karma probably has him swimming in the excrement of the Malebolge.

My point here, yes, I have one! I think it's important to be clear when trying to make a point. Don't generalize and lump people into categories. We all are different sizes. If we don't all dress in the same clothes then we all don't look through the same glasses.

So let me pose that statment to you as a question.

Do you believe that:

"If you Don't Believe in Hell then you believe that Hitler and Mother Teresa belong in the same place?"

is a fair statement?

Or, is it a statement that is relative to your own personal perspectives and beliefs system?

And because my mind connects things on it's own when I am not looking, I'm now singing, "Sheep Go To Heaven, Goats Go To Hell." 

Again, back to the sheep. There really was an abundance of them in this box. I wonder if they believe in hell or if they are happy to be going to heaven... too late to ask, the box is empty.

Q.O.T.D
"Now, I just want to play on my panpipes, I just want to drink me some wine, As soon as you're born, you start dying, So you might as well have a good time." ~  Cake

Peace
~Christy

Anyone Want To Hear A Story? A Ghost Story?

Then as the thunder and lightning decorate the sky, I will tell you a tale. These are true stories.

1 ~ One Last Trip Home

My brother died ten years ago, August 8, sometime late at night, guestimated at 11 PM.  None of us knew this at the time - we wouldn't know for another week. Yet, a few events surrounding this, echo.

It was a Friday night and my brother had left the house in the  mid-afternoon. Several neighbors saw him go and waved. We had lived in that house for a dozen years so everyone knew everybody.  He had on his favorite pull over dark blue sweatshirt with a hood, black jeans - his backpack. 

Later that night, the neighbor across the street, Trudie, was closing up her drapes when she glimpsed someone walking up our front walk. She was startled and alarmed at first, until she recognized the familiar walk and sweatshirt. Still, as she told us later, something made her shiver and she closed the curtains as her clock chimed the eleventh hour.

After the funeral, she was hesitant to talk about it but felt it important. While cleaning up all the gifts of food and drink, she started telling us what she saw and when she saw it. She also told us that she believed in spirits.

At the time, she had no reason to believe she was seeing one, because it was a perfectly normal thing to see Tom walking up the porch steps at any given time. It wasn't until she told us when she saw him that we all shivered. She described him down to his shoes and backpack and said he didn't look "ghostly," but solid.

She would have sworn to anyone asking that she saw the real person. But we all knew that to be impossible.  Tom was coming home one last time.

2 ~ A Hug Goodbye?

In the days after his death but before his funeral, I stayed with my parents, none of us wanted to be alone.  I had a lot of trouble sleeping, so I found myself up most of the night playing on the computer. The first night I was there, dealing another cyber deck of solitaire, I heard the front door creak open and steps on the wooden floor downstairs.

Having lived in the house for so many years and having snuck out of that house at night, I knew those creaks intimately. Apparently, so did whatever was walking down there now. The slat that would crack if stepped on was avoided. The place in front of the closet door that echoed was trod on lightly. I froze.

I had been wanting to say goodbye to my brother and hoping for a chance - was this it? If so, why was I terrified? I turned on as many lights as I could and when I hit the stairwell light, all the sounds stopped. It was 11 o'clock.

The night after, I found myself awake and reading in bed. I couldn't concentrate, I missed my brother so bad and wished again, for a chance to see him. I started to cry. Up, until that point, I hadn't cried at all and these were wracking sobs that I had been holding in, afraid they wouldn't stop if I let them go. It hurt so very much.

I kept saying over and again, "I just wanted a hug, I just wanted to say goodbye, I never had that chance..."  A litany to keep a hold on whatever sanity I had.  I begged and pleaded, as the grieving do and that is when I heard the front door close and the steps echoing in the hall. 

There were 12 steps going to the rooms upstairs and my room was the first off the stairwell. Each step had it's own unique sound and you always wanted to skip the 3rd up, it was loud. I heard each step, 11 in all - only someone familiar with the house would know to skip that 3rd stair.

With each step up, my crying became less - until I realized I was laughing. I felt joy and a lightness I hadn't felt since the day I was told he had been found. I heard the door to what had been his room move back and forth and I felt as if I had been wrapped in a huge hug.  His door closed and I felt peace. It was 11 o'clock.

Soar Eternally Free Tom ~ I miss you...
 And yes, I do believe in ghosts...

Peace
~Christy