He even said those words to me. So now I can't stop listening to 'Runaway' by LP. Realizing how much it applies to me lately.

I have a new circle of friends. Okay, I'll admit, they don't have the best rep ever.. but it's really not that bad. Everybody looks down on it though... And it really bugs me. Because even my "Best" friend is starting to wonder how many hard drugs I'm into -- and he doesn't believe me that I say No everytime somebody asks me if I wanna smoke some weed.

I hang out with these people because I like them. Because they're nice to  me [most of the time.. haha.. Every now and then we'll joke around] and they're fun.. Not because i wanna get high and drunk and stuff..

But it seems people cant wrap their head around the fact that when I call people my friends, it's because they're my FRIENDS.

People piss me off.

Even some of my most trusted friends, when they say something serious.. I find it hard to believe. I always think to myself... "Why are they saying this? Are they just trying to look out for me? Lying? Manipulating me?"

Whether they say 'I love you'  'He's bad for you'   or whatever.. I always question it.

Is this T's fault? (Using the letter T so it doesn't stir shit up if the wrong person reads it.) Did he lie and manipulate me so much... that I can't trust? Or did he just make me paranoid..

I know I am paranoid.. I've known that for a long time. But towards the people I love and trust most-- it's not a comforting thought.    They don't have a reason to lie to me . but then again.. T didn't have a decent reason either..

Logically, I don't trust when anybody says "They said this." That he said, she said bullshit is just .. ridiculous.  Now normally, the situation is so ridiculous, it doesn't matter whether I believe them or not. But recently I was told something about somebody. And from one of the people in my life who I'd trust WITH my life.

Do I believe her? I don't. Yet, I don't not believe her.
I don't like this.

This is one of those times when I wish I could be certain.... Maybe everyone's like this.. Dunno.

Whether it's paranoia, or just me not being able to trust..

T ..

..You really screwed me..

So I haven't blogged for awhile and Tom reminded me of it yesterday and I have nothing to do so i thought Hey! I'm gonna blog!!

I just rolled my arm around.. cracked my shoulder thingy... and now it really hurts. Like the kind of hurt where you keep saying 'ow' over and over again just becuase you can..

Anwho.. I'm super cold.  I just got back [ish] from Freddy.. Originally was going to see Hannibal Rising..But noooooooo .. I'm not 18!! So uh, if anyone over eighteen is reading this -- invite me to go see it pwwwweeeasseee. So instead went to see Epic Movie.. It wasn't too bad I guess. Y'know, it had it's moments.. But it was too predictable.. Too cliche..

And if you know me at all.. You should know I don't like cliche things. <_<

I get tomorrow off school- yay! Hopefully I can sleep in.. 'cause I didn't sleep in very well today.. or yesterday... Today because of.. well, haha. If you were with me last night.. That's the reason why. And yesterday, I had to get up early for my little audition thing -- which by the way went okay. I still have yet to hear back and see what part I got/if I got a part.. So keep your fingers crossed?!

Hum di dum. I want to keep typing and writing and stuff but I just don't know what to say.......

So it's thanksgiving weekend. And oh my god I'm so bored. When this week started I had plans all over the place. I'd even have to go two or three places in the same day just to please everyone but somehow..... it alllll went down the drain. >.<  Oh well, I'm sure I'll live.

Drumming's coming along fairly well. Apparently my timing is pretty shitty when compared to a metronome..[SP?] but I'm working on it.   My teacher got all new stuff to practice on - it's so kick ass xD. It's not a real drum kit though. It's black circular pads everywhere! Put your headphones on, and it sounds so real... Take them off and all you hear is 'Bum bum bum bum bum' (I'm explaining this amateurely for all those non-drummers out there who ... probably aren't even reading this..oh well!)

So la de da. Nothing's new. Nothing interesting ever goes on in my life except muh new puppy! I'll put a pick-sher up of her after I post this. Her name's Jazmyn and she's not house trained yet. So she's a lot of work. She bites a lot too XD But I guess all puppies do so I'll suffer through it.

Still workin' on a picture to put up of me. But I've kinda lost my camera..... I mean sure I have a few pictures I could put up but they're all horrible ... so ... yeah. ^-^

This fly is really bugging me - won't stop buzzing by my ears and landing on my hands. I'd kill it.... but I don't wanna deal with the guts right now... Maybe tomorrow..

...Yeah.... Tomorrow....

What a shitty day. People piss me off. Mainly my circle of friends. I got called a bitch today by one of my friends.. And it didn't help that five seconds earlier my nerve had been hit. So I just bluntly told him to "shut his fucking mouth." Which of course caught attention with everyone else and they asked what happened.. So he said it again. By that time, I didn't know if I felt pissed off, or guilt more. So I left. Not for long.. Just enough to calm down.

My group is so solemn.. They don't laugh much.. So sometimes I'll turn to amy; we have a lot of fun together. Sometimes we'll even laugh for no reason at all. But it was like she was mad at me today... I kept asking myself what I did to hurt her. I never meant to hurt her, if I had.

People wonder why I hang out with other people more than them. "Why don't you come around anymore?" "Why are you always with them?" Because you never fucking invite me anywhere. It's either too awkward, they're too lazy, or whatever the reason.. But when I'm with them.. I don't get called a bitch. I don't get made fun of for having a certain belief.. and I don't get told I'm wrong for expressing a personal opinion. I feel like they actually appreciate me [most of the time.]. They have fun, and I have fun with them.

Maybe thats why I seem different. Becuase I'm not stuck at home alone anymore waiting for someone to call, or waiting for someone to say 'yes! lets hang out.'  I'm actually out, having a good time.

My group of friends has fallen apart so bad... We don't know eachother that well anymore. Half of the time we just stand there in silence.. Even if we're together... We're split off in two or three different small groups. When last year, we'd be one big group, laughing and haveing three conversations going on at once. Sure, sometimes we'd have awkward silences or tension was in the air.... But not all the time.

Or maybe it's just me...Maybe I'm the one who's fallen away..
Maybe I just don't belong there.

She blows everything out of porportion.. Every little thing that I do wrong, she pounces on it and makes me feel like shit. I'll do everything within my power to make it right.. And it's still somehow not good enough for her.
For example, all day, I'll say please and thank-you whenever it CAN be said.. Just to be nice to her... But the ONE time I forget to say it she looks at me and with a sarcastic voice she says You're welcome. =/ Like wtf. Everything else wasn't good enough, you couldn't just let it slide?!
I guess not.
Whatever though. If she wants to blow things out of porportion and blame it on me, even when it's not my fault.. That's her problem.
>.< Fuck you.

School's going back in soonish. It really, really sucks. I don't like school. Why should I? The teachers there are shit. My principal is a douche-bag. I only ever look forward to one part in the entire day:
Lunch.
I can see my friends, hang with them... Do whatever I want. That's my one hour of freedom a day. Hur. But even there rules apply. Not that I really care O_o I've broken a few.. But still knowing that people are trying to take control of me and tell me what to do -- just pisses me the wrong way o.o;
I can't stand people who tell me who I am or what I like, what I believe and what my morals are. I get really defensive about that kind of stuff.
Get defensive for my friends too. I'd fight to the death for them.

Well. I'm just blogging because. o.o Dunno if I'll blog that much.
Hur. I asked my friend to come over on Monday... She's gonna be my personal photographer for the day. One reason, because everyone is always asking for pictures of me. So I'll get that out of the way.
And two, becuase of AFI. Some fifth member promotional deali-o.. I just hope I'm not too late to enter that. So I should hopefully have pictures up one way or another soon...
If you wanna know something about me, just ask and I'll probably tell you.
I'm an artistic person... Can't draw worth shit..But I write, sing, play instruments.. And all the other artistic stuff that isn't really visual o.o; unless you concider words visual.... ... . . .=/
BTW, the background picture isn't me. So just..don't ask o.o;

Another thing - If you're a fan of AFI, I created a forum. It's still pretty new, not many people joined so far. But sign up!
http://afireinside.aceboard.com

I love her. Mitsu. < 3