3 And lo the clouds were parted by the angel's hand and there in Heaven I saw a great battle between Death and Life each seeking possession of the Remote Control to the Employee's Lounge Giant Flat Screen TV.
4 And then there was a great host of angels weeping openly and crying "We pay $58 a month for cable and there is nothing on!"
5 And I too wept for I knew that TV would suck for all time and then a time beyond time.

This that and the other thing. The other thing is over there. Right now: You're right here. Right? Right. We're glad you're listening because here's what you're going to want to hear: Internet To-Go. Nothing spectacularly here & now about that, right? Right. But we're doing it right. And right now why not get right where someone gets it right. Because you'll have to be where it's all wrong the rest of the time.

Internet To-Go

(In the completely realistic part of West Seattle.)

Questionnaire for Job Applicants

 
Your Name:  Woofmutt
Position for which you are applying: Shadow Realignment Specialist
 
Why are you interested in this position?
 
I have a deep interest in light and shadow manipulation, not just the scientific and metaphysical aspects but also the artistic and creative uses of shadow realignment and sunlight refractionism.
 
Please explain why you think you are qualified for this job.
 
I have had over eleven years of transrealistic light and shadow manipuology with special focus on sunlight idealizing and relocating as well as additional training and experience in bone chill inducement.
 
What personal characteristics do you have that will make you successful in this position?
Extremely reliable
Fast learner 
Werewolf resistant
 
What previous work experience have you had that would help you be successful in this position?

Moonlight Wrangler
Major Tyger'sWaterton’s Picnic Excursions
Grayland, Washington

Responsible for lunar refractive apparitions and general nocturnal mood lighting using glass box kite mirrors and positively charged aluminum foil antennae transmitters

Sunlight Sampler and Classifier
ACME Bottled Light Specialties
Kittitas, Washington
Gathered sunlight samples from various locals
Tested sunlight samples for euphoria retention and durability  
Classified samples for purposes of cataloging and marketing
 
Describe a recent goal that you set for yourself and describe how you achieved it.
 
I wanted to get over a lifelong fear of falling and it seemed the only way to do this would be to force myself into situations where I would experience falling. Initially I tried sky diving but it was of little use as I was always falling face down while sky diving and my fear had been of falling face up. I looked into a Hollywood stunt school but found the price prohibitive. I the consulted an elementalist friend of mine and together we designed and crafted a transrealism based  jacket (made from linen, spider webs, and humming bird nests) which keeps the wearer from ever hitting the earth should he fall. Through numerous forced falls from ever increasing heights I managed to overcome my fear of falling backwards. I did, however, discover I have an allergy to spider web.
 
Describe an accomplishment you have achieved that makes you proud.
 
I was one of the architects of the Falling Forest Flimflammery Festival which was the first Nonsensarian event in the Pacific Northwest. This year will be the Festival’s fifth and we are expecting over two dozen participants from places as far away as east North Bend.
 
What are your long term career goals and how does this job fit into those goals?
 
While many light and shadow manipuologists often hope to one day operate their own laboratories I personally prefer to work in already established shops and transrealistic conglomerations in order to learn from others and ideally help others with their particular problems and needs.