It has been a long time since I have blogged – April this year it seems when I checked.

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I know why – I have lost the "habit" – the habit of listening to myself and rebalancing -  by writing when all about me have lost… you know how the old saying goes and that is my very crude interpretation.

More importantly since April of this year, I have found myself speechless.  Not writer's block – this is more serious than that – I have just found I have nothing to "say".  Nothing to share. Nothing worthy of commanding to a page.

I finish my paid employment and then start studying, I finish studying and then I sit down or go to visit Toby.  I visit Toby – and sort out the administration that makes his world tick. In other words, I am spending all my timing "doing" not "being".

I am struggling to find a minute to actually call my "own".  Not "owned" by my employer, or my husband, or my children, or friendships, or writing groups, or….. any of the multiple personalities which make up "me".

This has all very sadly come to a head on Friday of this week.  Sadly for some, but not for "me". 

Enough is enough.  I have spent the last 40 years of my life attempting to please everyone and forgetting to please "me". 

There is always time for that, to sit down quietly, not hold a conversation – just "being" when all else is done and obligations met to capacity – well there used to be… and when things got rocky and swells and storms threatened to overtake me and pull me into their vortex. 

I knew there would be a time to rebalance and safe ground ahead, if I just held on and allowed the storm to go where it would.   I couldn't control "it", but importantly I wouldn't let "it" control me.

My belief in that happy every after though has now evaporated, like my belief in the tooth fairy and Father Christmas.

It is 6.19 on a Sunday morning – I have got up to write a blog – and what happens next?  "Him who would like to be obeyed" has come down to join me, to keep me company.  BLOODY WELL GO AWAY.  Give me some space, give me some time, and more importantly allow me to rebalance and listen to myself.

I need company like a hole in the head, I need more tasks, projects, clearing up – I am drowning in the mess of my existence.

What I really need is time to speak to "me".

So where was I – Friday – the end of yet another long week in the office, at home, etc.  Actually in reality it was a very short week, where things were so bad I can't actually remember where the week went.

I have spent all of it in heated-debate, not gentle disagreements, but full volume and brain fuelling sharpened and scythe-like tongue to capacity.  On Friday – I even ended up in conflict with myself.

Now people who know me, know that I live for a challenge – nothing is ever excepted at face value – the "no" response is actually hardwired into my primeval brain as "yes of course" and nowadays, usually with the "how much?" query.  (the subtext to that being – no price is too high to get me off their case).  

But sometimes there are challenges just not worth fighting.  I can't go into details because of employee confidentiality and a lot of my other outside "stuff" affects others and is commercially sensitive, but quite frankly nobody would believe me if I did write it down…. Grim Lit is us…  Perhaps that is why the mythical nirvana of employee happiness perpetuates?  One of nature's mysteries is how a body/mind forgets pain. 

So I have reached the point of having to walk away, Ok – where next? Now this is the difficulty – how much of the rest of my life is crap as well?  Well it seems quite a bit when I take a deep breathe and look about me at the wreckage.

Watching Grand Designs yesterday (whilst clearing up, knitting a sock, fall asleep out of exhaustion, spinning up some wool for Toby's jumper, and generally beavering about).  Actually I have to be precise about this – I was watching the adverts interspersed by the programme Grand Designs – have I missed something vital here?  When did Adverts become the reason for watching the moving wallpaper? – I digress.

There was a segment about how far you pull a rotting house down, before it needs totally rebuilding from the foundations.  This man started with a few internal walls, and next thing he knew he had no roof, no lintels – well no nothing to be quite honest… This could be a metaphor for my existence.

Because of time pressures at work I have stopped writing for relaxation.  I have had to stop running my writing groups because I just had no preparation time – something that I have never had to do before even through the worst of times a few years back.  I can't face a computer now without feeling physically sick, and the noise just drains my thoughts. 

The house has descended into the chaos that it always threatened to be.  It contains three bedrooms, and a garden – allegedly.  You would never believe it – I think there is a bathroom in there also somewhere and the kitchen… well that defies description at present.

I can't even find my walking shoes, they have been immured into one of the rooms where one would not explore.  I am not into finger pointing – but as I am out of the house all day, and late into the night – how has this happened?  Can't the other inhabitant just clear up? If you don't need something – chuck it…

I spent last weekend in my bedroom for two days, just so as to stay out of his way and give him a chance to get started on this Grand Design – except he moaned all weekend about how lonely he was...and how he had to feed me – honest chuck – four cups of tea in 2 days and a couple of bacon sarnies does not a balanced diet make. 

I had taken a couple of days off and decided to retrace my roots – I get more sense out of Dead Ancestors than those around me nowadays.  At least they can't argue back and find me a job to do (well one did, but that is another story !!).

I re-emerged on Monday morning to find absolutely nothing had been done – the bedrooms still looked like the set from Miserable (complete with swords and guns, but no swivelling or pivoting – no room) and to top it all the washing up was still there from two nights before. 

Then I went back to the hell hole (don't ask which one).

To be fair, I think he has now spotted the error of his ways – well with a few clues and a tongue-lashing – "Contempt is us" should be my middle name. We have made progress this week, a desk which has sat dismantled in one of the bedrooms has now been re-constructed into its intended location. 

Sounds a small enough achievement, but fairly groundbreaking actually –  I have had six months of being told how it won't fit, and what a load of expensive crap it is (I was actually given it – so why should I care?), how psychologically I am damaging my oldest son – it is his bedroom (well he left a year or so ago, so how long do you keep the home fires burning?!!!! – perhaps that was why the wood was needed?) and the list goes on and on. 

So happiness of happiness I started clearing up yesterday – and then it dawned me the gravity of the entire situation.  I found all my prep and research work, my writing groups stuff, my former life, my study work as I undertook an archaeological dig worthy of Time Team (also on re-runs yesterday to fill in the time between Adverts).  Note the use of ME in all of that – ME had become buried by the detritus of time. 

No wonder I came to a total halt – the oxygen which fuels my existence – my writing – had been denied and almost destroyed. 

So back to this morning – it is now 7.02 am, and the most amazing birds are surrounding me – I remembered the laptop is supposed to be portable, so have taken into the cold, but sheltered garden.  I can hear something buzzing around me, and the fountains are silent.  I can smell fresh air and hear the gentle swaying/rustling of the trees.  I am transported back to Lulworth Cove – the YMCA where we stayed on the last family holiday before "the accident" – the peace of mind and tranquillity of Ti Chi before the day began (except I am not even sure I can remember how to do Ti Chi anymore – perhaps it is in the muscle memory somewhere?).

Okay, there are dead leaves all over the decking and the dog bowl really could do with a wash – which I am going off to do now - but for the last hour I have found "me".  That is all I need – an hour every now and again. 

I don't want to break the spell, but I am hungry – so must… 

If I could just find a way of bottling this when I return to work tomorrow – then I think I have the way forward.  Actually the answer is at hand, it is blindingly obvious – there all the time, I have a pen and paper, along with the ability to write – I can conjure up my world anywhere I want (along with a To Do list…J).  

Problem solved – moan over… I can get back to being "me" – well once my batteries are replenished and I find where I left my ink… blue or green?

Saturday Scribbles – on Sunday 27^th

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"Don't ask."

That is my strongly worded, emphatically emphasised, suggestion to anyone who asks how I am doing? what am I up to? would I like to start another group? They have a problem – they have issues…… well so do I…..

I have given up having any semblance of organisation in my life – my Partner wanted to know the name of the bomb last week, and I managed to pass a vital test required for my career – by 1 point.  I know, a pass is a pass, BUT… that was too close for comfort. 

"Nature abhors a vacuum" – never quite got that statement – what would cleaning up a carpet have to do with nature? – mess is natural (allegedly!).  But it seems whilst resting a couple of weeks ago I inadvertently fell into another writing project.   

I won't go into lengthy details, but I was cold, got out my "knitting sticks" as Toby calls them and did something about it.  Me being me, I then found a website that could organise my hobby, met up with some new friends, started a blog to keep in touch – and now I am writing about it all for a craft company.  Ego over sense there – why didn't I just say no? 

Because I CAN do something, doesn't always mean I SHOULD.  That is the moral of this small tale.  My hobby which gave me a rest away from the computer has now pulled me back to it and I have another "obligation". 

With your writing – because you CAN – doesn't always mean you SHOULD.  There have been times when I have taken on projects because a) the money came in handy and b) it meant that I could notch up another credit on my writer's CV.

With the benefit of hindsight, I didn't really need the money – but money, I naively thought at the time meant that someone liked/enjoyed/valued my work, and secondly, it unfortunately meant my CV reflected someone who I wasn't and I couldn't understand why I was suddenly attracting a lot of fairly light-weight, non inspirational articles.  It was because people thought that was what I did, which is fair enough.    

Whilst I bang on about all words being good words – remember that you (and I) have only so much energy and passion to go around.  It is important then that that is focused towards the projects that mean something to YOU and reflect who you are and what YOU are trying to achieve in the bigger picture sort of way. 

Also take a view on what energises and exhausts you.  I love writing small "how to articles" and larger philosophical debates and worksheets, anything which is a problem solved, but I find fluffy stuff and technical articles which require research and deliberation by others debilitating and they tend to get put on the back burner until the very last minute.  

The only way I seem to get through them both is by balancing them, so the energy from one carries me through the other.  In the meantime though – my current novel or screenplays (by raison d'être for living) are sitting, patiently, awaiting my attention and they are there in the back of my mind like old friends and a reward for being good and getting all my obligatory work done.  Except that very often I am too shattered to take my reward and another "duty" hits my desk.

Write – write like the wind, but I caution you, make sure that you aren't too shattered to finish or work on the "masterpiece" of your existence – simply because you have taken on too many other "writerly" obligations.  One thing we all need as a writer is space and time to create, so I caution you don't allow obligations and duties disguised as writing opportunities take that time up – leaving you to exhausted to write for you. 

So I would implore you today, If you have fought hard to ring fence some time in your week for your writing – do exactly that – ring fence it for YOUR writing, and not somebody else's money making project.    In other words – don't do what I have just done, but do as I say !!!! (ps I am now taking my own advice).

Have a good week…

Hugs Shani

if you aren't too busy - take a look at http://cedarwriters.blogspot.com.....

a newly emerging group I am very proud to be involved in.... part of my energy

Saturday (oohps) Sunday Scribbles  13^th October 2007

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Friends, family and colleagues constantly ask me how I manage to have so much energy and do so much – as I lay back and bask in the praise I feel really guilty because the truth is far from their perceived reality.

All people see is the top few feet of an iceberg - literally.  

In the outside world you see the carefully rehearsed "me" on a stage, performing, protesting, and projecting her personality in defence of, and very often in spite of, the world around me.  I'm a bit like a snowplough – sweeping objections, excuses and protests out of my way. "You want to be a writer? – well what is stopping you".

One of my colleagues likened me a couple of months ago to an "oncoming storm" – taken from a TV series, and I thought the name fitted comfortably.

What you don't see is all the time that I am being me, the bit of the iceberg underneath the water.  I am also quite capable of having a heart which is cold and unfeeling, quite calculated when I need to be.  "Off duty" I am often self-centred, disorganised, obsessed with idea-hopping and a thoroughly dislikeable person.  This is the side of me that I am not particularly proud of, but has its uses in the bigger picture sort of context. On the bright side, because I am not the person you pop in for a comfy chat with – this is how I find my time to write.  Oh and please note "Warrior woman" can't cook or shop either.

Me loves writing because it avoids conflict and the expense of the needless energy that I have to use when I am performing.  I can say I what I want to say without being shouted down and disregarded.  Words on a page have the power to create order and have "sticking power". I can edit, re-write and hone this prose until I say EXACTLY what I want to say, without contradiction or having to compromise my carefully thought out and considered opinion.  This is the side of me I am proud of because it makes "things" happen. 

What I have to carefully monitor at all times though is the balance between these two parts of me. My ego can (and does) go into overdrive, I am so focused and passionate about what I perceive "needs" to be done that I forget to do the activities that nourish my creativity.  I have to consciously decide that saving the planet can wait for another day, whilst I get on with spinning my new jumper.  Yes – I do knit.

This week I started a new Writing Group, this has reminded me about what I NEED for my own personal creativity and the reason I do it for free is because you can't pay for that kind of inspiration.  As a Writer and a person I have found that I feed off the enthusiasm of others – it is contagious.  On a more cynical note, I can also pack up my bags and walk if I find myself and ideas being used for other's purposes. 

So what is the point of this rambling? Yes I do project myself as super woman to the world, but underneath I am a mere mortal.  I have a big and brash ego which has been carefully designed to be "fit for purpose" to fend off others wishing to attach themselves to me – yet underneath I have a very thoughtful, soft and cuddly, hermit-like wish to just exist – often in silence and be apart from the toxicity of people's personalities.  

I am not someone to be admired or envied, I am just ME.

So I don't want to hear anymore wining, moaning, whinging or general pain in the arse backstabbing on any of my courses, groups or from any of the people I encounter in my life.  You have a problem and want some help working it out – I am your woman.  You want to be destructive, carping, manipulative or just down-right jealous and deceitful – go somewhere else you are not welcome in MY world.

You want the secret of my success? – it is simple, I will share it with you now, it will save time all around - YOU just work out what you want out of YOUR life and get on with it.  But before you do, remember to take into account the price you will have to pay to do it. 

I did, have paid every penny of that price and am now very happy and comfortable with my piece of the world.  I feel every waking day that I have won big time in the lottery of life. 

You want some of that? Well what are you waiting for?  

My tip for this week? - WH Smiths sell pens and pads, or buy a bigger bag and nick them from your boss. 

No postbag this week – I am fed up of people.  Don't bother sending me any emails at all if the subject matter is me writing your book for you or where to buy a pen.  To be quite blunt if you are that pathetic you don't deserve my writing time. 

Inspiration – write about grasping freeloaders – there are enough of them around….

Have a good week !!!

Hi everyone.

Saturday SCribbles just haven't happened this week.  I have had a 'orrid paper-filled week, and am still working now.  I am in fact thinking of giving up writing - well until tomorrow anyway !!

That said, a creative thought fleetingly-flitted across my tired mind this morning.  SCriptwriters are a bit like God in that they decree how a situation will pan out - in Toby's case for example, he would have got up and walked within three episodes - no doubt returning to his highly paid job at...

In my case, all paperwork would be done and filed within a working day, without colds and interruptions from a world full of selfish idiots.  I would be now sat at my luxurious mahogony desk, writing these free-formed thoughts with my gold-nibbed pen, supping a delicious claret. 

Instead... well actually thinking about it, now I know why I write - it is one way to live the dream and make success a reality !!  It has certainly just cheered me up - tally ho - off to work I go...

Writing Prompt -

Think about three things you can do now, this minute, to change your life - then get on and let a familiar character do it....

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It was so clear what I was going to write about this morning – about 3 hours ago - since then I have gone back to sleep, it is now 11.00 am, and I am feeling very, VERY tired and guilty.  I honestly don't know why – I suppose it is the Victorian Parent that lives within shouting at me and goading me on to succeed despite myself. 

I often hear voices when I write, my mother's voice when I am writing to the children, my sisters' sometimes when I need to reach out, my maternal/paternal grandfathers – whom I adored and were a great influence on my life.  One was a horse-trader, the other a terrorist – both inform my day-to-day work when I am collating tenders for different projects (this fact was greeted with horror this week, when the person I was dealing with wasn't sure which side of my nature was informing the conversation!).

Then I hear other voices that I don't recognise, they just emerge as words I am putting pen to paper.  This is both exhilarating and a little scary – the words don't come from conscious thought but somewhere both deep inside and far away, simultaneously.  This is my writing voice, and it took a little practice to accept that it was good and could be trusted. 

For years I tried to override the outpourings with "clever" conscious editing in the cold light of day.  I would spent hours re-drafting and re-writing, until eventually I discovered (one drunken night) after I had given up and just rewritten the piece from scratch, that it resembled the first piece of writing so much – I might as well not have bothered.  The piece was accepted (with a ticking off for nearly missing the deadline) and I received two/three other commissions on the back of it.  I was commended for my free thinking and clear writing.    

So lesson learned – Trust your First Thought.  That doesn't mean to say I don't edit my pieces now, but I am careful not to "over edit" and impose fancy phrasing where known is actually needed. 

I trust my voices and they have grown in confidence and now trust me, and with practice they emerge when summoned.

From the Postbag

Not a lot going on this week so I will use editors rights and ramble on a bit. 

The Daily Telegraph Bath Festival of Children's Literature was one of the highlights of my world.  The festival (despite constant reminders) had totally slipped off my radar because of work commitments etc., so a friend forced me screaming and kicking along (because I was tired, overloaded and overwrought not because I didn't want to go).  I am so glad she did (she also fed me!) – thank you Lisa from the bottom of my heart.  Not only was it an inspirational evening and good to touch base with such a dear friend, the talk I attended - given Lucy Hawking, Joanne Harris and Tim Lott - set me thinking and gave me the shake up I needed. 

Often in the postbag I am on the receiving end of a lot of moaning about the NEED to acquire fame and fortune, and the frustrations of not being recognised as the next big name in writing – the little matter of having to write something seems to get overlooked.

I am often at a total loss to answer because this isn't my motivation for writing, but I haven't been sure what actually is and don't want to sound pompous in case there is a true literary genius amongst the membership and they quote me for ever and a day as the one who put them down. 

But now I know WHY I WRITE.  I write a story to tell a tale, communicate with others and entertain – I was "entertained" on Saturday night, these authors read their tales to ME and I was entranced.  The fact that the tales were aimed at kids was quite enlightening as well.  I am obviously a kid at heart who just needs a simple tale to make her world and wants to make Toby's world, so needs to write simply for him.

Whilst writing, the added-value by product is that I also learn about myself and the voyage of discovery still thrills.  The irony is, because I am enjoying myself and doing what I WANT and am consistent with voice, that confidence of purpose seeps through the hard-edged words and often attracts commissions without even trying.

So my advice to you is – just write, get it on the page, enjoy the process and entertain yourself.  When you can entertain yourself - then and only then - share it, (without thought of financial recompense), just bathe in the applause, stick it on your CV and write something else.  Gradually you will have produced a body of work that will be sought after for itself – in my experience success happens when we least expect it. 

Inspirations

I have been inspired by everything this week – but this doesn't help you.  So I seriously would suggest sitting down for 10 minutes or so, with a big heading at the top of the page WHY I WRITE.

Moving on from that – on another big piece of paper – WHO MY MUSE IS….

You might surprise yourself – at the very least you will have learned more about yourself.

Heads Up

The Folk House Anthology – the long awaited compilation edited by Rosemary Dun and Kate Gardiner hit the bookshops this week.  They have been running writing courses in the Folk House, a local community educational establishment, for quite a few years now and this anthology contains examples of some of the best work which has emerged.  WOW is all I can say.  The Foreword and Introductions are workshops in themselves, the stories and poems really well crafted and good examples of what can be achieved when groups of people write and work together.

You can purchase it on-line at Amazon – type Rosemary Dun into the search engine or click on the link if you are reading this on my webpage.

Well I was well and truly fed up last week when I realised my carefully chosen words and formatting had been turned into gobbledy-gook by Microsoft… says it all really.  Sorry everyone, and this week I will try to sort out the formatting a different way.

It has been a very uncreative week if you don't take into account that I have had to write a very detailed CV about my life.  Now that is creative writing!  Seriously, I have had to sit down and analyse every job I have ever done and each skill I have mastered in an effort to try to work out where I go from here in my writing/working world. 

I am a bit of an enigma, because I have done so many things it just isn't possible to place me in any sort of "box".  I started off as a child and became a musician and became (in no particular order) an actress, accountant, wife, mother, author, painter and the list goes on.

Some of those skills/roles I have thoroughly enjoyed using/playing, and some I have hated and vowed never to go there again (I will leave those of you who know me to guess at which ones!).  The problem apparently that people have around me is that they have difficulty working out which of the many things I am good at - are the ones I actually want to do.  It had never occurred to me that they would need to – just because I am good at sex, I wouldn't dream of selling it in the workplace!! (I know self-praise, not recommendation and all that). 

What I do have though is a thorough and better understanding of myself as I sit here and write this morning – all these experiences make me the person I am today, whether I enjoyed them or not.  They all contribute to make me "me", and if people want a guide-book when they become my friend or colleague – well tough. 

I also have three or four pages of actual specifics that I can pat myself on the back about and this in turn is giving me confidence and the self-encouragement to move on to each new project.

I would highly commend this exercise for you to do….

From the Mailbag…

How do I become famous through my writing?

I don't know – why would you want to?   Go away, define your idea of famous and try and work out why you should deserve it. 

Sorry – I don't mean to sound unsympathetic, and I am sure others could add to this debate.

Inspiration
"The collective energy generated from the feelings, thoughts, and attitudes of the almost six billion people on this planet creates an atmosphere or 'consciousness climate.' Surrounding us like the air we breathe, this consciousness climate affects us most strongly on energetic and emotional levels."  -- Doc Childre and Howard Martin

Colin Parsons is our featured author this week :

Saturday Scribbles (sorry Trev – a day late)

I didn't know what to write about this week, so I took the day off from life and we visited the natural habitat of the "Saturday Shopper" (think Richard Attenborough here). 

I have never done "shop" and probably never will, but yesterday I thoroughly enjoyed analysing body language, buying materials for art projects and generally wasting that precious and elusive commodity "time". 

I declined though to do "ASDA" on a Saturday afternoon – I didn't want to overdo my new found hobby and so retired to the Gallery in Bedminster for a moment of inspiration. It proved to be a haven of art from .China (clothing if you lived in the village – art if it is hung on a wall many miles away in the Western World) and there was also a rather attractive fountain in the foyer.  I had a little dawdle around in the cool, white, cavernous atmosphere and then having spotted a rather attractive leaflet about the Gallery's Writing Courses rather timorously asked for details.

I love courses! I find them inspiring and the contact with others gets my little neurons all fired up. I don't have the time though, on a regular basis to do them.  They are either on the wrong night, on the one Saturday that 23 other things have to happen, or are prohibitively expensive. But how would I know if I didn't ask. Unfortunately the details were not simply available as I had hoped it took a lot of careful questioning (the time spent in Law has not been wasted) to establish whether there was any point in carrying on the conversation.

Then to my horror (I have foible about this) I found myself explaining that I worked and when the response was uttered – kindly meant I am sure -  "poor you, six days a week" – I had to really fight down the hostility and need to defend my position.   Here was I – mistress of the 26 hour working day, finding myself in a position of being expected to explain to a total stranger the intricacies of making my world work – I don't fink so!

I sat and thought (and simmered) about this at one of the tables in the gallery – if I don't work, I don't get inspiration, structure or framework to my day.  But if I do work, I don't have time to write.  (Actually it isn't work that gets in the way of my writing – it is the other things that people find me to do – but that is another tale.) 

So eventually I plucked up the courage tackle the subject again, hoping to find neutral territory, which we did but upon finally receiving the details I found that the course was of such an astronomical sum that if I didn't work I would never be able to afford it!

So I went away thinking – what was this highly experienced, published, tutor offering?  I have no doubt she is an expert in the field and I am very impressed that she and the gallery values her time that highly, I have been banging on about valuing yourself for years.  But I would be horrified if people attending my courses had to take out a double-mortgage (always assuming they didn't bank with Northern Rock that is) and this would exclude a great many of the talented writers currently in the groups I run and I have given a helping hand to over the years.  I don't judge my worth by the amount of I have earned, but by the smile on other's faces as they succeed. 

Then I realised something – I don't run "courses", I run "experiences" – tangible hands-on, get down and dirty, coal-face stuff.  Writing is something that you experience, do, enjoy, be part of, run with, allow to take you on a journey of self-exploration or a device to discover the world well-travelled.  Writing is a noun and a verb (well in my world anyway) and a device to enable us to share humour, sadness, regret, joy and make sense of everything life throws at us.

Writing is freedom – you can't put a price on that.

From the Postbag

I have an idea, a really good idea, the world has never come across a plot like this, I will be the next Harry Potter – will you help me write it, actually could you write it for me if you give you the idea?

Firstly, I don't mean to be picky but Harry Potter is a character by J K Rowling – and thanks for the offer but I have far too many ideas of my own, anyway if you want to be an author it is YOU who will have to write it. So what are you waiting for – get on and write.  Don't be intimidated by the process - WRITE however, whatever, in the first freeform, first thought experience.  Then, when you have the first draft, Hogwarts and all, that is the time to tackle the next step in the process. 

Don't forget that November is National Novel Writing Month – www.nanowrimo.org.  Go to the website, sign up and write your first draft Novel in a month with all the support you could ever wish for.     

Prompts:-

"The open door didn't get there by itself"

What music did you listen to when you were 15?

The jumper was underway, half-formed both in thought and creation.

"Success has many fathers"

Saturday Scribblings 9.09.07

Have you ever "googled" your name, then clicked with curiosity to see what photographs of yourself come up, only to find someone else is carrying your name?

Well I have – if you google my name you currently find a lady who I have never met, but interviewed a couple of years ago, proudly displayed as me!!  I wouldn't mind but I have absolutely no way of correcting this little bit of "misinformation" about myself.  I simply dismissed this as a little bit of fun, until I found the same picture against my byline in an on-line magazine just recently.  When I tried to correct the editor, my whole piece was removed and she got very shirty with me. 

So it logically follows if google can get this wrong, what else is not correct?  When does something, anything, become fact simply because you have no right of redress? What could the implications for my future be?

This could also be applied to history and family trees – you have no "right" of correction or putting facts into contexts which make sense.  My parents were not particularly forthcoming about their lives pre-me, and so it was left to creative grandparents, and relatives with agendas to re-write these lives subjectively and occasionally heroically for my benefit.  All made for great storytelling and fun to a kid, but has left me a little in limbo as an adult. I have spent a lot of time filtering the truth from fiction – having said that this is probably where the writer in me has come from so I shouldn't complain. 

It has never really bothered me about the past though because if others (including my kids) didn't believe the tales I was told – well tough, I know no different and don't really care, and I can only really vouch for things as I see them and have lived them.  It though seems to a constantly recurring theme in the family though to find the "truth", to put history straight – but does history care?  I know I don't, not enough to go into battle and re-write it. 

Finding myself with another face though – well that is a whole new ball game and it doesn't seem fair somehow that I don't have a right of correction.  Surely I know who I am? 

From the Mailbag

Courses seem to be the current theme still – try these:-

http://www.bristolfolkhouse.co.uk/ (Rosemary Dun I can personally recommend and note from the website the folk house also hold spinning classes – oh joy…..)

http://www.ncchomelearning.co.uk/leisure_and_creative_courses/creative_writing_courses_course/fiction_writing_diploma_aset_level_2_.htm (Found this by googling – have no prior knowledge of it, but it seems like a good idea for those who have difficulties attending a college)

http://www.tallyessin.com/ (Kevan I know well and enjoy thoroughly his writings and tutoring style – ideal for those living in the Bath area)

There are also some small writing groups which have started up – if you run a class, please email me and I will compile a list of links for future use.

Prompts:

• Write about your reaction to finding you have another face.

• Think of two characters from your childhood TV or radio and write about them – and what if they met?

• If you could re-write a little bit of history – which bit and why?

• Open a book and at random choose three words – any words – now write a paragraph with them in.

Saturday SCribblings (a Little late !!)

..> 

Yesterday a close friend, significant other and myself took a trip down to ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Bridwell Park in Uffculme to visit the inaugural festival - Fibrefest.  The smell of unwashed fleece, the site of people spinning and chatting, along with the tents awash with colour sent me, literally, into a spin. 

After the initial explorations, I found myself relaxing into a world that I had thought had gone long ago from my grasp. A world without IT, extensive responsibilities and nothing more challenging than what colour or stitch to knit in the next row.

What I then recalled, when I stopped long enough to listen to my inner chattering, was that my sense of wholeness and happiness when I crafted was linked to actually achieving "something".  Being totally focused and immersed in a project was like meeting a friend every time I "set up" the ceremony of the spinning wheel.  I could just carry on where I left off, familiarity and peace entering my mind whilst I tackled the challenge in hand. 

"Often one must bend to the nature of the wool, or the wheel, or the spindle, to achieve success.  Spinning is not always mind over matter, but mind flowing with matter" Judy Dyer (Ashford Newsletter 2005)

My success writing practice could be described is a bit like this, and why I am writing about it today.  On a good day, when I sit in front of the page, it is like meeting my friend, and my words are very much my mind "flowing" with the pace, tone, rhythm of the tale.  On a bad day – well we won't dwell on that. 

But each time I face the page I am setting myself a challenge – one I am equipped and experienced to deal with, but a challenge all the same.  To make shapes on a page which can be read and make some sense to another person – even if it is only me at another date. 

From the mailbag:-

Life has been quiet this week, mostly enquiries about writing courses and the correspondence –v- college debate.  I personally sit on the fence about this, as I get a lot out of courses however they are delivered (and whatever subject!!). 

September though is the ideal time for a fresh beginning, and so would suggest the OU along with Lancaster University (google for the info), local colleges have their prospectuses in every supermarket, so you are spoiled for choice. 

If you are in the Bristol area, the Great Western Writers meet on the 2^nd Monday in the Month at the Central Library, and the Cedar Writers are starting a 10 week course in Knowle from the 11^th October, both led by yours truly, so email me if you would like further information. 

Writing Prompts:-

"Finally, one more task achieved in the ……………….."

Where do you find your God?

Your long awaited book from Amazon arrives and it isn't quite as expected – discuss !!

25^th August 2007..

Hi Everyone – Saturday again….

A bit like a revolving door really, I step in – it whizzes around and here we are again. 

My working world has been very busy this week as I tie-up all my loose ends before taking a two week break.  Consequently I haven't had any time whatsoever to think about writing or my groups – but as always my working life and writing life seem to bleed into each other and a couple of thoughts have occurred.

"Deadlines are good" Honestly… they are !  If I let a project amble on I lose the creative energy, enthusiasm and drive with the consequence that the writing suffers.  They also offer framework and structure to a project which otherwise perhaps might grow out of control as your imagination takes over ("guilty as charged your honour...")

If I have a deadline (self-imposed or outside), I am forced to keep revisiting the project at regular stages to get it finished and I find that I don't prevaricate or find other more important things to do. So if you don't have deadlines in your writing world, why not try making some. 

Suggestions:- 

• Keep a writing diary (I have one from MsLexia with hints and tips as well – but any one will do).  Keep it on your desk and get into the habit of referring to it at least once a week - Place interesting competitions/submission suggestions in, and other prompts or random thoughts that don't fit elsewhere.
  
• Use your On-Line or Brower diary (ie Outlook, AOL, or Yahoo etc) to flag up important stepping stones in your project.  If you are writing a story which needs to be ready for say 3 months time, think through the steps needed to complete the project and put those in your diary to remind you and give you a nudge.
  
• My favourite has been to write down a brief mantra to myself enthusing about how brilliant I am, what I can achieve with on a particular project and setting out some steps that I need to do to achieve it – all the things that people don't tell you and you forget to tell yourself.   I then sent it to myself using one of those card sites such as Moonpig.com. 
  
  This card arrived "unexpectedly" three months after I had started the task (early onset Alzheimer's I think !!).  Even though I had written the card, I had forgotten this, and distance meant I read it as if it was from someone else… duh! 

It made my day, the project which was refreshed and my enthusiasm returned when I remembered why I had started it. 

If you have any favourite ways of creating deadlines – please share it with us. 

Don't forget that this is the season of Creative Writing Courses – take a look at your local Uni and see if they have one which you can take on-line.  Even the most experienced writer can benefit from touching base with their "beginner" self.  Sometimes we wander very far away from our initial intentions on our writing journey – and this is a good way to reset your compass.

Prompts:

• "Sharing my father's shadow"
• Write about a day of two climates.
• A paragraph or two about a "Whistler"
• Consider the word – Valiant.

A Quote to consider:

Since you are like no other being ever created since the beginning of time, you are incomparable.
Brenda Ueland