Lately I have been more depressed than usual, but something good came out of it. I got a friendly reminder. I remembered how good it felt just to go walk somewhere, anywhere, nowhere. I look at the sky and walk and all I can do is smile. Everything seems so open, so free. I spread my arms out and I can almost feel the melody of the world surrounding me. It's reviving. I'm at ease. I feel anxious, excited, addicted, strong and weak all at the same time.

I'm ready to put on my walking shoes, I'm ready for today.

I hope it's you.

I hope you figure everything out.

I want to be with you.

I love you.

I don't know what to do with myself.

I'd grab ahold of you and hug you so tight.
I'd never let you go.
I'd show you how much I love you.

Last night I got to do that thing I love to do again for the first time in a long time. I love talking to you when you're asleep. I'm not scared to tell you anything, I can be myself 110% infront of you. I just love that I can tell you everything, everything I'm thinking about and everything I feel while you lay there so peacfully. I tell you how much I love you and how beautiful you are inside and out. I think I like it because I can express to you every fragment of my emotions and I don't have to hear anything in response. I guess I don't want to tell you how much I love you to have you say it back to me. I just want to know that you can feel it. I don't need you to say it back everytime I say it because I know you do. I remember the first time I talked to you while you were sleeping. You had your arms wrapped around me in my bed. I woke up in the morning and I told you how much I loved you and why then I picked up your hand and placed it in mine. You woke up a while later while I was getting ready for the day picking out my clothes and you looked at me and smiled. I knew even though you couldn't remember what I'd said nor did you know, but I could see that you felt it. Since then I've fallen in love with speaking to you while you're sleeping. You're so precious.

If I could only express my feeling for you in a way that could make you understand. I'm so sorry for what I've done. I'm glad you can forgive me because that takes a lot. I pray that if you have an ounce of faith in me, you'll face the pain you feel if you believe we are right. I understand how you feel, because I've felt so hurt by you times before, and it's a terrible feeling. but I couldn't give up on you. I know that it shocked you, but I'm asking you to instill the same faith in me that I have in you. See that I am not that person, I know you are not the person you were before by miles. So if you can find it in you to give me a shot, I could say without hesitation I would be The Happiest woman on earth. I love you with everything bit of my heart, I hope you see it, I hope you feel it. I put what I consider to be my life, because you are, on the line. I couldn't deceive you. I never have. I slipped up that once, and I learned the greatest lesson. So if you can't move foward I respect that, but I'm begging for you to not throw this away because of one mistake I made in the past. I love you, no matter what. Together or not, I'll never stop.

I'll get better and you'll come back. I'll grow up and you'll mature.
I can't get over how generous I believe you are. You gave me your heart.You gave me your love. I am forever grateful.Your love is so beautiful.
I love you. I always will.
If you can't see it, I hope you can feel it. I promise it's there.

Today I experienced the kindness of  someone's heart. They did something magnificiant for me, and I can't seem to express my graditude.

So you're in the middle of surgery right now, and I miss you already. There is nothing I enjoy more than talking to you. I absolutely love it. I don't know why it hit me so hard right now, it just did. I'm so glad that you're in my life. I hate knowing that I can't talk to you at this particular moment. It just makes me need to talk to you. I love every single thing about you and I'm so excited for you to be done with this stupid surgery so you can come talk to me. And you just texted me so I'm going to end this and talk to you for real. :) You're my world.

I wish I could get my point across without a rebuddle, feeling inadequate, immature, or being mistreated. I fear that's impossible. Therefore, I will keep my mouth shut. "Suck it up, Kate, suck it up" Will you just imagine what it's like to walk a mile in my shoes? You're more destructive than you think you are.

What else in my world could go wrong? I'm waiting on three things that could potentially break me. I'm super nervous.

I'm so tired of the people who make false stereotypical judgements on MY love life. I am with a man who genuinly cares for me and does everything in his power to express that to me. He is wonderful and incredibly respectful. I plan on spending the rest of my life with him and visa versa with him. We are so madly in love and people don't recognize that. They make judgement about him without ever meeting or speaking to him. It is so inconciderate and disrespectful of people. Five years difference between us, yes. We are both well aware, but that doesn't effect how we feel about eachother. Nor should it have any effect. Yes, he can get with a woman his age, he has before. He has no trouble with that. He is not resorting to me because he can't get someone his age. He is with me because I am the one he wants to be with. In 9 months everyone can take their words and shove it up their asses. I am normally a very polite person, but this absolutely vexes me. My man is a wonderful man and we are in love. So please, be conciderate.

I feel so stupid. I've been pushing Seth to move back here, when I know something is holding him back emotionally. I knowI shouldn't push him yet I still do it. I'm being selfish. I just can't handle a long distance relationship any longer. I'm trying so hard to keep patient. I mean 7 and a half months of waiting? Not to mention I waited before. I never stopped waiting. I'm just getting  so discouraged. I don't know when he'll come back here. Will he ever? I have faith. I just don't know how long my patience will last. I want it to. I don't want to push him. But I'm frustrated. I miss him. I don't want to have a relationship with my cell phone. I want to have a relationship with him : / I love him so much. We are going to grow old together, but for now I'm just struggling with patience. I need to work on it. I'm sorry if I'm letting you down baby. I'm trying, I promise.

Something bad is going to happen.
Oh dear God, this is it. I love you.