A long time ago I realized that I have no one else I can depend on but myself. It's always been me taking care of myself. I'm worried that my life is making me too hard, but at the same time, I feel like I have to be. I'm a strong girl. I have my moments where I break down, but who doesn't? I've pulled myself through hell. I know it's never going to get easy and I have to accept that now. I still feel like I have a little bit of weakness and I don't need that. So I'm starting today. I'm building myself and my strength physically and mentally. I'm never letting anyone or anything ever get in the way of my life again. I need to take a little bit of that girl I usto be. That hard headed intelligent gal who didn't let anyone walk all over her. I need to have the other old me where I was so kind and loving and giving to others. I need to have that balance. It's so difficult though. I need to fix myself. I need to build myself. I don't ever want to cry and feel lost or like I have no control ever again. I want to be indestructable again. Independant.

I'm sick to my stomach. In a week I lost my home, my baby, and the love of my life. Everyone is giving up on me when I need them the most. I need help. I need support and everyone is running. I miss Seth, I love him more than anything in the world. I feel like he has abandoned me in my time of need. I'm scared. I've been praying these past few days and I feel God helping me but I feel like I need someone here to help me physically too. I guess Seth isn't made to help me. I just have to accept that. I'm going to church tomorrow. Maybe God could give me a little more guidance. After yesterday morning, when things didn't happen the way I planned, I got a whole new look at everything. I shouldn't be here. The man up stairs must really have big plans for me. Maybe I should respect that. With or without Seth, a home, a son or daughter, or even family. I have God. And he's going to take me somewhere. Life isn't going to be perfect. It's about getting through all the hell to get to heaven. So that's what I'm going to do, I'm going to be that warrior once again, and forever. If not for me, for August, my beautiful baby. After all, I'm invincible.

I should have never gotten myself involved with you. I am now frustrated, hurt, and continuously annoyed. So congratulations to myself for becoming involved with a loser. 

I got a 4 on my portfolio. I dreamed for a 5, but a 4 is still an amazing accomplishment in my eyes. I'm so proud yet I do not feel like I have reached my potential. Now I must decide. Do I get into college now with a 4? Do I go to Savanna, GA? Do I half waste another year trying again for a 5? Or do I go into the Navy now and school later?

to make friends with a total stranger :]

I decided, after thinking about my past relationships, next guy I meet that I start to feel for, well, If he doesn't have these qualities..

This trip was the best decision I have made in a loooong time. It's doing me well. I've gotten over the things I needed to. I guess it takes something beautiful to help you pull yourself out of something ugly.

I thought I was held down for so long. I settled for less than what I deserved. Now that I am away, I've realized there are so many men out there who are on there feet and who can love me and respect me the way I deserve. I'm so happy. :]

Lately I have been more depressed than usual, but something good came out of it. I got a friendly reminder. I remembered how good it felt just to go walk somewhere, anywhere, nowhere. I look at the sky and walk and all I can do is smile. Everything seems so open, so free. I spread my arms out and I can almost feel the melody of the world surrounding me. It's reviving. I'm at ease. I feel anxious, excited, addicted, strong and weak all at the same time.

I'm ready to put on my walking shoes, I'm ready for today.

I hope it's you.

I hope you figure everything out.

I want to be with you.

I love you.

I don't know what to do with myself.

I'd grab ahold of you and hug you so tight.
I'd never let you go.
I'd show you how much I love you.

Last night I got to do that thing I love to do again for the first time in a long time. I love talking to you when you're asleep. I'm not scared to tell you anything, I can be myself 110% infront of you. I just love that I can tell you everything, everything I'm thinking about and everything I feel while you lay there so peacfully. I tell you how much I love you and how beautiful you are inside and out. I think I like it because I can express to you every fragment of my emotions and I don't have to hear anything in response. I guess I don't want to tell you how much I love you to have you say it back to me. I just want to know that you can feel it. I don't need you to say it back everytime I say it because I know you do. I remember the first time I talked to you while you were sleeping. You had your arms wrapped around me in my bed. I woke up in the morning and I told you how much I loved you and why then I picked up your hand and placed it in mine. You woke up a while later while I was getting ready for the day picking out my clothes and you looked at me and smiled. I knew even though you couldn't remember what I'd said nor did you know, but I could see that you felt it. Since then I've fallen in love with speaking to you while you're sleeping. You're so precious.