it's crazy how i've actually lived a pretty interesting life, without realizing it, mostly by accident (if that even makes sense.) it's also crazy how things change. it's even crazier when they change right in front of you and you don't even notice until you take a major step back.
 it feels like the end of an era. friends I had that I rarely see anymore, places I used to go, things I used to enjoy....it's all changed. everything is totaly different now.
Sometimes I wish life had a remote control, so I could rewind and re-live the good old days, fast forward past the bad parts, and pause the times I enjoy to just live in the moment.
Don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm miserable with the life I'm leading, it's just amazing how different everything is and how we all seem to loose touch with the things/people/places we care about. to quote Ben Folds: "it sucks to grow up."
Wherever you're at now, enjoy it. Nothing ever stays the same. you may bitch and moan in the meantime, but one day, maybe not even too far off, you will look back, realizing it wasn't as bad as it seemed at the time, and I assure you, you will miss the hell out of it.

Here's how it works: Once you have been tagged you have to write a blog with 20 weird, random things, facts, habits, or goals about yourself. At the end choose 10 or more people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them. Don't forget to leave them a comment (tag, you're it) to read your blog. You can't tag the person who tagged you. Since you can't tag me back, let me know when you've posted your blog so I can see your answers.
1. My favorite author is Ernest Hemingway.
2. I hate people who interrupt me. 
3. The new Weezer cd has what is potentially the best weezer song ever made on it. It is called "King".
4. I really like to cook. and I'm really good at it.
5. I want to go back to school for political science.
6. I enjoy the music of journey.
7. I really, truly am a natural blonde, reguardless of what judgmental bastard who doesnt know me yet thinks he/she knows everything thinks. 
8. I miss watching ren and stimpy, bevis and butthead, rocko's modern life, and the angry beavers.
9. I read for enjoyment. 
10. Sometimes I bruise for no reason.
11. I enjoy those sick reality shows like rock of love and stuff, yet despise them at the same time. Maybe I like them because they make me think "wow, I might suck but at least I'm not as bad as them.". Or maybe because it's like a train wreck...it's awful and you don't want to see it, but you just cant help yourself and are strangely drawn to it, like you can't look away...
12. I think Joel McHale (is that how you spell it?) from The Soup is really hot.
13. I hate the sound of my voice. 
14. As a child, I was selected to be in a movie or commercial or something, at the age of 4 I believe, because I told the producers I was only a year old, then told them "just kidding."
15. I don't have a clue what that "pwn" thing means, and I also think the whole "internet lingo" is incredibly stupid and was developed by lazy bastards. 
16. It's a pet peeve of mine for people who have spellcheck on their blogs, emails, whatever and yet have everything spelled wrong.
17. I think good grammar and a large vocabulary are incredibly sexy.
18. I want to own a bulldog, a pug, and a small dog like a toy terrier or something someday (other than sid vicious, of corse). 
19. I am a gung-ho peta member and if you disagree with it, I frankly dont give a shit.
20. I sometimes wish life were a little less complicated.

I'm the girl who tries to make everything perfect, but it's usually not.

I'm the girl who hates chick flicks.

I'm the girl who wears her heart on her sleeve, but tries to hide it.

I'm the girl you've probably talked about behind my back, even though you don't know me; more than likely out of spite, jealousy, or simply because being a nice person makes me an easy target.

I have a big heart, deep deep down.

I'd rather see the people I care about with smiles on their faces than have a smile on my own. And I do absolutely ANYTHING for them. Just ask my friends.

I'm the girl who would rather lie on my bed and listen to music, or write, or paint, or curl up on my couch with a good Hemingway book.

I'm the girl who wants to make a difference in the world, knowing I probably can't, but am satisfied with knowing I try.

I see animals as beings, and not just inatimate objects with no thoughts or feelings, because I hate the human race.

I'm the girl who is everything you want, but who you will still toss aside in the end.

I'm the girl who stands up for what I believe in, even if I'm standing alone.

I'm the girl who, after being hurt time after time, still believes in love.

I'm the girl who is smart, but still has "blonde moments".

I'm stubborn.

Sometimes I'm naieve.

I'm opinionated, and don't think before I speak.

I'm not perfect, but I am nothing but myself. And I'm not afraid of that.

I'm the girl who has made mistakes, but has learned from them.

I'm the girl who believes you  never stop learning.

I'm the girl who is passionate about everything she puts herself into. If she doesn't love it, she doesn't do it.

I'm that girl. Take me for who I am, because I will never change.

yes. It's true. Now give me a paternity test too.

Seriously, it's kind of disgusting how all these guys are claiming to be the father of Anna Nicole's baby. Just because you spoke to her once a few years ago doesn't put your sperm in her twat. All these sick wierdos are delusional, they only want the baby so they can get the money the baby has coming to her from Anna Nicole's estate. Duh. And I think the most absurd is ZaZa Gabor's husband claiming to be the father!!! Dear lord...he's either completely out of his mind, or he thinks he can somehow trick DNA and get a piece of Anna's will.

take that, you bastard. You know it's true. Don't deny it.

The poor woman is dead. Her family who never wanted a thing to do with her when she was alive needs to get the fuck out of the situation and let the plans Anna made go as she wanted them to. All these dim-witted fucks need to stop trying to get her money and attention and stop claiming to be the father of a baby they know damn well isn't theirs. And people really just need to leave everyone involved alone. Yes, it's really sad, and that's why you should LEAVE THEM THE FUCK ALONE!! All the media attention is sort of sick. It can only be complicating things.

Which brings me to my next point...leave Britney Spears alone too. The reason behind her shaving her head rocks. And people are actually making me feel sorry for her. DAMN YOU!

anyways...besides that, i would like to adress a few of you:

Lindsay, your party was awsome. But never let me bounce off of a wall with an exercise ball again. I think i cracked my skull. I feel like I got run over by a truck.

And Becky, I really want that family reunion t-shirt. I want to wear it around everywhere. all the time. It's classic.

and on a sad note, today it has been exactly 6 months since Bryan passed away. And I can't stop thinking about how bad that sucks, and how awsome he was, and how much fun I had with him. And our stupid inside "roast beef" joke, and how I can explain it to as many people as possible, and it will never ever EVER be near as funny as it was between him and I. And the last time I saw him. And watching the 40 year old virgin with him. And going to his baseball games. I miss him alot, and it's still really hard to believe he's gone. Today is going to be hard, but I'm going to make him proud and drink my sad away.

I think I've covered everything. Time for tv and a nap.

I had an epiphony today.

So for awhile I've been down on myself, on my life, everything. And today I was thinking, why? I realized that I do something not many people get to do- I experience everything life has to offer. And that is something to be proud of.

I've lived on my own and come back. I've chased dreams, and I continue to chase them. I've even lived some of my dreams, on some level. I've been in a band, met great people, made strong friendships. I've been to college, and intend on going back at some point. If I had a choice, I'd never stop going. There is so much I'd like to learn.

I've dabbled in modeling, and ended up getting off the ground a little with it. I go out and have fun. I've worked in several things that I enjoyed. If life was a buffet, I've tasted just about every dish on it.

I've done things I may not be too proud of, but I've learned from them, and I've grown from them. My mistakes, heartbreaks, and trials have made me a stronger person. I've loved and lost, and loved again. I've lived through some of the worst, and come out a better person for it.

Trying to live your dream isn't always easy. You don't always have fame and fortune. But you get something better out of it- experience. Self-fullfilment. Sometimes playing it safe isnt always the right thing.

I may not always stay in touch with people I've made friends with, but I'll always remember the good times I had with them. And the ones who do stay in my life I will remain thankful for. Life isn't about doing what is expected of you. It isn't about doing the routine, or doing what you feel obliged to. What's the point of living if you don't get to experience anything it has to offer?

 

I haven't been in a better state of mind. From this point on, if I begin to feel dejected, I can think about this, about everything I've done, and be glad.

For the first time, I can honestly say I am proud of myself, and of who I am.

I am in Maxim Magazine's hometown hotties contest!!!

vote for me. vote for me every day. and tell all of your friends to vote.

the more you vote, the longer i stay in the contest, and the sooner you get to see a sexified spread of me in print! ;)

Thank you to everyone who are voting hardcore. I love you to death, and you rock!

keep voting!

here's the link to my profile:

http://www.maximonline.com/hotties/profile_2007.aspx?id=15311

xoxo

I'm Happy. frigging extatic. Things are finaly going up. Happiness has been on about a 6 month hiatus. Thank god that's finaly over.

And my brother in law made it home SAFE from afganisthan. which also makes me very happy.

April and Dave, if you're reading this, come home and visit me. I miss you both TONS.

The only stipulation to all of this is the bears losing the super bowl. Damn colts.

Which reminds me...if you're a colt fan...kindly go fuck yourselves. We all know you're only jumping on the bandwagon. Thank you.

anyways....I think I'm going to entertain myelf with this lame ass survey thingy, and possibly go take a nap? It's been a long weekend. definetly an amazing weekend though.

I'm as happy as a frigging clam. though i never really understood that cliche`.

THE LETTER A
are you available?: yes, but no. Yes, i'm single, no I don't want a boyfriend.
what is your age?: 21

what annoys you?: way too much

THE LETTER B
do you live in a big house?: not big, not small. average. moderate.

when is your birthday?: june 18

who are your best friend(s)?: nate and becky. and that should totaly say who "IS" your best friend.

THE LETTER C
what's your favorite candy?: I don't consume this.
when was the last time you cried?: it's been awhile since my mariah style meltdown.
who's your crush?: I don't do crushes.I'm not 12.

THE LETTER D
do you daydream?: all the fuckin time

do you like dogs?: DUH animal lover!
what day of the week is it? monday

THE LETTER E
how do you like your eggs?: chicken fetus? no thanks, I'll pass.

have you ever been in the emergency room?: oh yeah
do you have both your ears pierced?: yes. a few times.

THE LETTER F
have you ever flown in a plane: nope. and i'm kind of afraid to.
do you use fly swatters?: what the fuck kinda question is this, no i catch them with my hands and suck them in and eat them?
have you ever used a foghorn?: well I've used an airhorn, does this count? they're fun. especially at the rocky horror picture show.

THE LETTER G
do you chew gum?: not really a whole lot

are you a giver or a taker?: giver.
do you like gummy candies?: eh. Like i said, not a candy consumer. but i can, however, unwap a starburst in my mouth. its a cute little trick. so i eat those for the sole purpose of the trick.

THE LETTER H
how are you?: GREAT!
what color is your hair?: blonde
do you live in a house?: naah.
THE LETTER I
what's your favorite ice cream?: cherry, peanut butter fudge brownie, bubble gum
do you play an instrument?: i took up learning bass. i'm pretty good at piano, though i need to brush up a bit on it. and i used to play the flute and french horn in band. and i sing. ta dah.
have you ever listened to a song by Incubus?: really, by now, who hasnt?
THE LETTER J
what's your favorite jelly bean?: ick
do you wear jewelry?: bracelets, the trademark pearls, and body jewelry
what kind of jelly do you like?: um.. grape?

THE LETTER K
who do you want to kill?: hm.....naa i'm a lover today, not a fighter. but just today though.
do you want kids?: someday probably
where did you go for kindergarten?: Oneida (ROWVA)

THE LETTER L
are you laid back?: ya i dont do much of laying foward thats an awkward position
when was the last time you said love?: I love lots of stuff. so i say it a lot. stuff is my favorite.

is the lion the king of beasts?: no, I am.

THE LETTER M
do you still watch disney movies?: maybe on occasion with my kid sister
do you like mangos?: never had a mango
do you ride motorcycles?: those who know me know my loathing for motorcycles

THE LETTER N
do you have a nickname?: ambular, bambular, am, blondie, amberlin
whats your favorite number?: i dont have one. and people who do are kinda retarded.
do you prefer night over day? more fun stuff goes on at night. although it was interesting to be drunk during the day.

THE LETTER O
whats your one wish?: to have more wishes.
are you an only child?: nope. i have 3 other siblings and a brother in law.
do you like the ocean?: love love love it.

THE LETTER P
whats one fear your most paranoid about?: clowns. bridges over large bodies of water. bugs and creepy crawly things.
what are your pet peeves?: i have several. ask me.
whats a personality trait you look for in people?: humor. easy to talk to. kind. honest (that's a big one, and  coincidentaly very hard to find). wit. sarcasm. fun to be around. etc. and so forth...

THE LETTER Q
whats your favorite quote?: I have several. I have some on my profile as well.
are you quick to judge people?: not really. I give people a chance, get to know them and all that good stuff. I'm nice, contrary to popular belief.
ever gotten an oil change at the quick stop?: i dont know where i got oil changes, but i did it at some car place.

THE LETTER R
do you think you're always right?: ha...think? bitch i KNOW i'm always right.
you watch reality tv?: the occasional episodes of the real world. and when TJ's show starts i'll definetly be viewing that.
are you one to cry?: it depends on what it is. I never let people see me cry though. the only time anyone ever has is at funerals. well...nate saw me cry once or twice outisde of funerals and stuff but that doesn't count.

THE LETTER S
do you prefer sun or rain?: sun
do you like snow?: fuck snow i hate it!
what's your favorite season? summer

The letter T
what time is it?: 3:18pm
how tall are you? 5'8"-ish
when was the last time you slept in a tent? last summer

THE LETTER U
what's under your bed?: a few blankets

THE LETTER V
whats the worst veggie?: water cashews are fuckin sick. tomatos, onions, brussels sprouts
where do you want to go on vacation?: somewhere warm
have you ever been to Venice?: I was born there. and by that I mean i've never been there, ever.

THE LETTER W
what's your worst habit?: i have several. i'm flawed.
where do you live?: in a cardboard box

do you smoke weed?: no.

THE LETTER X
have you ever had an x-ray?: a few
can you play a xylophone?: i can, i'm just sure it will sound like ass because i dont play it.

THE LETTER Y
do you like the color yellow?: not as much as black and pink, but yes.
whats one thing you yearn for?: oh there's lots.
have you ever used yarn for anything?: sure

THE LETTER Z
whats your zodiac sign?: gemini
Do you believe in the zodiac?: zodiac is the stars alignment and junk, how it appears in the sky. I believe you're asking if i believe in horiscopes, which are the predictions. and no, i don't.
favorite zoo animal?: i enjoy them all. just not the snakes.

 

don't get all pissy with me because i'm not all serious about my myspace.

I have a sense of humor. Therefore, not all of the info I have on here is true. There is no such town as Hell, IL. And I'm obviouly not 8 foot 4 or whatever the fuck I put.

It's my fucking page. I will do as I wish with it. If you don't like it, get the fuck off it. Nobody's putting a gun to your head forcing you to message me, add me, or even check out my page at all.

It's myspace. Get a fucking life for fuck's sake!

 

Tagged!!!

THE RULES:  The writer will create a blog with the "6 weird things/habits about yourself." People who get tagged will have to post a blog of their own telling 6 weird things/habits about themselves. Make sure to post this rule clearly! At the end of your 6 weird things/habits, you need to choose 6 people that you would like to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says "You are Tagged!" in their comments and tell them to read yours for instructions on how to proceed! Don't forget to let the person that tagged you know when you have posted your answers in your blog! Have fun and NO tagbacks!

1. I don't agree with religion

2. I compulsively brush my teeth and wash my hands

3. I can't stand it when centerpieces aren't EXACTLY in the center of a table

4. I can burp like a dude. because i'm that fucking awsome.

5. I  do a great/hilarious impression of the lead singer of AC/DC

6. I wear mascera constantly, because I have blonde eyelashes and it's scary.

Are You-

Single or Taken or Available:  single

Eye color: blue-ish green-ish hazel

Height: 5'8"

Righty or lefty: mostly right

Can you make a dollar in change right now?: yes

Musical talents? : many. mostly singing though. and writing songs

A good bf/gf?: very much so. I"m the kind of girl who will be waiting for you after work with a beer for you.

Favorites-

Animal: love them all!

Drink: beer, captain and coke, or water


Month: june


Juice: orange



8 Lasts-

8. last person spoken to: my brother


7. last beverage: currently drinking ice water

6. last phone call: brandon

5. last text message: nate saying "you fucking hate me" when he was standing behind me at the corner last night hahaha.

* N/A

4. last cd played: before this one, chiodos

3. last BUBBLE bath: a long time ago

2. last time you cried: last night

1. last meal:  caesar salad

7 have you's-

7. have you ever dated someone twice? : yes, but i regret every giving anybody a second chance. never will i ever do that again.


6. have you ever been cheated on?: YES. constantly. urggh.


5. have you ever kissed someone & regretted it?: naa. maybe in the sense that they were bad kissers.


4. have you ever fallen in love..? : yes, unfortunately.

3. have you ever lost someone? : yes, the last time was back in august. :(

2. have you ever been depressed: yes

1. have you ever been drunk and threw up?: ohh yes. ick.


6 things you did in the past 4 days-

6. Went to school: no

5. Went to work: photo shoot in chicago. fun work.

4. Colored: no

3. Got drunk: yes. i've been drinking every day since saturday haha.

2. Slept: got the most sleep last night/today.


1. Eaten: not today yet, no. but soon.

list 3 favorite colors-

1. Black
2. pink
3. yellow

2 things you want to do before you die-

1. get married, mainly just so i can have MY day where i'm all pretty and the attention is on me. oh and to have that badass reception party. open bar rocks.
2. make out with jared leto and john mayer. and jake gyllenhaal.


Have you....

Made a new friend?: Yes, I do that all the time.

Laughed so hard you cried?: yep

Met someone who changed your life?: no. most people who have any signifigance on my life temporarily ruin it. i can name one right now haha.


Gotten close to someone?: I'm finding trouble doing that at the moment



WHAT DO YOU THINK OF-

1. Bush?: douche bag. i voted for kerry. he was the only other option. i wanted to vote for nader but the vote would have just gone to bush. boo.

2. Gay marriage: you love who you love, who has the right to stop you from being together?

3. Lowering the drinking age?: i think if you're 18, and youre a legal adult who can go die in a war, why cant you drink a beer???


4. Straight, Gay, Bi?: straight but i wish i was gay. maybe i'll be bi and ween myself. haha.


5. Who is the best hugger that you know? : me!


6. Do you believe in love at first sight?: no.


7. Is there something you want to tell someone: Nothing too urgent, or I'd already have done so.

8. What brand of shirt are you wearing?: I dont know

9. Would you kiss anyone on your top friends?: hmm

10. How many ppl on your top friends do you really know? : on my top friends, all of them.

11. How many kids do you want to have?: 1 or 2.


12. Do you have a crush on anyone on your friend's list right now?: I am a grown woman, I don't do "crushes".

..> ..>

You Have a Choleric Temperament

..http://images.blogthings.com/whattempermentareyouquiz/choleric.jpg" height="100" width="100"> You are a person of great enthusiasm - easily excited by many things. Unsatisfied by the ordinary, you are reaching for an epic, extraordinary life. You want the best. The best life. The best love. The best reputation. You posses a sharp and keen intellect. Your mind is your primary weapon. Strong willed, nothing can keep you down. Your energy can break down any wall. You're an instantly passionate person - and this passion gives you an intoxicating power over others. At your worst, you are a narcissist. Full of yourself and even proud of your faults. Stubborn and opinionated, you know what you think is right. End of discussion. A bit of a misanthrope, you often see others as weak, ignorant, and inferior.

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whattempermentareyouquiz/">What Temperment Are You?

well...anyways here are a bunch of quizzes, which supposedly give you some sort of introspective of me.

You Have A Type B+ Personality

You're a pro at going with the flow You love to kick back and take in everything life has to offer A total joy to be around, people crave your stability. While you're totally laid back, you can have bouts of hyperactivity. Get into a project you love, and you won't stop until it's done You're passionate - just selective about your passions

 

What Your Face Says

..http://images.blogthings.com/whatdopeoplethinkofyourfacequiz/face.jpg" height="100" width="100"> At first glance, people see you as warm and well-balanced. Overall, your true self is passionate and physical. With friends, you seem logical, detached, and a bit manipulative. In love, you seem gentle and sensitive. In stressful situations, you seem cheerful and optimistic.

Men See You As Desirable

..http://images.yournewromance.com/howdomenseeyouquiz/see-desirable.jpg" height="100" width="100"> Men often find you immediately attractive and sensual You're honesty is refreshingly beautiful ... it draws guys in You are also able to be open with your feelings with no emotional baggage Packing light means you enjoy new relationships easily

You Are 71% Grown Up, 29% Kid

..http://images.blogthings.com/howemotionallymatureareyouquiz/mature-4.jpg" height="100" width="100"> Congratulations, you are definitely quite emotionally mature. Although you have your moments of moodiness, you're usually stable and level headed.

 

 

http://i.myyearbook.com/images/bul_top.gif); border-bottom:1px solid black; padding:3px;" align="center" colspan="2">http://quiz.myyearbook.com/zenhex/quiz.php?id=1191"> size="+2" color="white">Which famous actress are  you?
..http://i.myyearbook.com/images/whatgot.gif" width="100" height="30" /> ..http://quiz.myyearbook.com/zenhex/quiz.php?id=1191">.. src="http://img.myyearbook.com/zenhex/images/quiz1/1191/res1.jpg" border="0"> Angelina Jolie Pucker up- I'm Angelina Jolie!
Take'>http://quiz.myyearbook.com/zenhex/quiz.php?id=1191">Take The Quiz Now!	Quizzes'>http://quiz.myyearbook.com">Quizzes by myYearbook.com