when did it become a shameful thing to be "emotional"? Why is feeling, crying, loving a thing to look down on? when did this all happen?

I don't think I've met anyone who believes in love in the past 2 years. I tend to hear "I've been hurt so much that I just don't want to go through that again" or "I don't want anything serious, because nothing lasts forever". Come on people, whatever happened to fighting for what you want?

Everyone's got their share of bullshit pain they've been through, but why is everyone becoming so emotionless? I feel like i'm the only one left that i know that's still willing to walk 10000 miles in the pouring rain to find my soulmate. Call me hopeless romantic, old fashioned or even emo. because i am all those things and i'm disappointed there aren't more people out there that aren't afraid to feel, or ashamed to try.

I'm a fighter, and i will keep on trying. You should too.

call me

xx

so i'm not big on writing, rarely do i write unless something has seriously impacted my life. so myspace, here's something new to share with you.

i  don't want to say i "lost" because.. i don't feel like the word lose is right here.

i have started the new year.. on the wrong foot. everything just seemed like complete chaos since it become 2006. i've been threatened, blamed, backstabbed & hurt by people i thought i meant the world to. i being the caring honest person i am (no joke). words have been put in my mouth, & i've been blamed for others peoples mistakes just for their convience. what could be easier than to point the finger at someone who's so kind all the time? i am anything but a liar. & the reason why im saying this. is because if i ever happen to get close to you.. you need to believe that i am a trustworthy honest friend and would never backstab you or hurt you. because i don't believe in putting people through pain to make my life easier. neither do i run from my problems. i face them and say whats on my mind whether it harsh or not. take it or leave it.

i learnt a lesson from someone whome i wanted to kill with my own bare hands. & he said.. "never tell anyone anything that can possibly be held against you in the future".. & i can't believe i never thought of that. i just assume that everyone i meet.. i can confide in. the reason why i confide in people so easily, is because i want people to confide in me.. because unlike them.. i can keep it to myself & not hold my past against me. that is the cruelest thing you can do to someone. hold their past against them.

heres what it comes down to.. if i ever do you wrong, come tell me to my face and fix it rather than assume things & just run away from the problem.

if you cant keep a secret then tell me not to tell you so no one gets hurt.

a friend is a person who defends in times of right. not in times of wrong. be fair to your friends, you shouldn't defend someone's wrong actions just cuz they're your friends.. i love the extremely few good friends i have now. but would never defend them if they were wrong.

be true to your friends.. & be true to yourself.

 thank you.

So since i`m slightly tipsy.. i don`t know how to start this.. other than saying..  if someone leaves u repeatedly..get it through ur thick skull that you`re way too forgiving for giving multiple chances. forgiving & hoping they learn the 1st, 2nd, or even 3rd time is not gunna happen k.. people change but don`t change at the same time. they mask who they are to begin with, in hopes that you  won`t see how ugly they really are deep inside, or see their insecurities.. they make up this whole fake person just to make you happy, or be just whhat you`re ``looking for``. the thought is quite sad. so sitting here & sulking is really not going to change the fact that.. that person you love is gone.. because. they`re gone you know.. get over it..you`re not allowed crying more than 3 days over a lost love.

couple of things i learned out a loss of a loved one.. thought i should share it with the unexperienced, hopeful romantcis out there..

1) guys love the chase, & nothing but the chase, they want what they can`t have & thats about all its ever going to be unless you`re one of those lucky bitches who got the 00000.35% of great men out there.

2)its better to lose a lover then to love a loser.

3) alcahol is encouraged for the broken hearted. i never thought i`d learn a life lesson from a bottle. so i`m drinking & i decide to look at the labrl of this drink i`m drinking.. & it says:

ì have a thirst for life, friendship and a whole world of reasons to celebrate

it was like a message from God i tell you. it made me smile, & realize there are so many better things i could be missing out on in the time that i would be crying over someone who don`t give a shit basically.. so drink up my lost broken hearted friends & cheers to love friendship & booze

i think the only word i can think of to describe how i feel most the time is CONFUSED, and it's usually boys who contribute to this feeling.
Why let the boys get to me?
See, i can tackle this two different ways
1) be open to new relationships, yet eventually deal with some gay excuse boys make up to not stick around.. or
2) block them out & protect myself.

but i always go with the first one, i believe in taking chances. I give boys the benefit of the doubt, i see the best in everyone.
But lately, i think it's time i said enough with the heart abuse.
I don't see why i should put effort into every relationship if the "boy" is never even going to try. i deserve a try, no.. i deserve more than that.

i just want to tell you boys, if you're confused, then please don't confuse the girl anymore. if you don't want anything to begin, then don't anneciate something.. or show interest, or lead the girl to believe something's going to happen. don't kiss her, don't makeout with her, don't tell her you understand if your only going to hurt her. just stop.. stop stop stop stop it!

when did boys turn into girls? when did this all happen? cause' i missed it..

but for those who remained true & straight up, i hold nothing but respect for you men.
now start respecting your women.