intro:  SUP HOMESKILLETS!  i know it's been a while since i posted a bitch but with the weather and the not feeling well and the not sleeping right things were just too hectic for me.  well, let's get started.  i think i have a lot to talk about today, although i could be wrong.  we'll see.


kickass band of the day.
yesterday, jd and i were chillin' at my house, eating popcorn and jammin' to some rad tunes.  he introduced me to a band called secondhand serenede.  the lead singer records over himself and harmonizes with his melodies.  i know he's not the first to do it, and definitely won't be the last, but damn he's good at it.  extremely relaxing, enjoyable music.  seriously, if you get the chance, download them somewhere.  they don't have a myspace or else i'd link you.  but yeah, check that shit.


quoteworthy.
"our buttsex is so bloody it made the Holocaust look like a doctor's appointment."
-brett

being a good writer is 3% talent, 97% not being distracted by the internet.
-unknown

"later that day i got to thinking about relationships. there are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. but the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. and if you can find someone who loves the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."
-sex and the city

"if you want to talk to us, then shut the fuck up!"
-tina

"sharks only bite when you touch their private parts,"
-krista

"talk less, listen more; that's why god gave you two ears and only one mouth."
-unknown

"everything unfolds.  sometimes it unfolds nicely.  sometimes it unfolds like a basket of laundry being thrown off a building.  but some always picks it up and puts it on.  moral of the story is use bounce dryer sheets."
-laura


lovely lyrics.
and it's just nice to be near you 'til the sun breaks our city street through
-eisley, vintage people


i'd run a million miles just to hear you say my name
-the veronicas, speechless

your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth
-jewel, near you always


perfect pick-ups
what has 142 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? my zipper.

hi, will you help me find my lost puppy? i think he went into this cheap motel room across the street.

-jonah


NEW SECTION:  terrific texts.
this section is dedicated to all the awesome text messages i've been getting lately.  remember, ANYONE can contribute to this as long as you have my phone number :)

hey poopy bear!  my mommy washed ur sox for uuuuu!
-laura

there is no better than me babe trust me
-bobby

i love your hot wet juicy steak... mmmmmm
-laura

u know ill b ur woman forever <3
-jenna

yea but joey wont do it cuz the first time he did, his 8th grade teacher was behind him in line... and he went to catholic school!
-laura

i freakin love u woman of all women!
-tina

my clothes smell like you.  its lovely.
-brett


today's bitch:  sugar-highs.
yes, sugar-highs.  i know what you're all thinking.  "why the hell would you want to bitch about something as AWESOME as sugar-highs?!"  well i'll tell you why.  i had a personal experience with a SUPERSUGAR-HIGH this week and i feel the need to tell you all about the dangers of sugar-highs, that's why.
alright, here's the scoop.  (wow, did i just say "scoop"?)  haha, anyway.  on tuesday, my stomach hurt and i wasn't feeling well AT ALL.  i took some pamprin, which is acetaminophen, aspirin, and CAFFEINE.  as much caffeine as a cup of coffee.  then i went to school.  while i was there, brandon gave me his valentine (because i was absent the week before on vday) which was a card and a huge box of gobstoppers "because my love for you is everlasting just like gobstoppers, except they don't really last forever."
so i ate the gobstoppers throughout first period.  they were delicious.  but by the time i got to second period, i was a nutcase.  i was like a kid with ADHD minus the medication.  i could not sit still.  i was shaking, tapping, bouncing, and just being completely rambunctious.  and i couldn't control it.  i was just screaming out things in the middle of class and making a complete ass of myself.  but i couldn't control it.  which is why sugar-highs are bad.  anything that makes you lose control of yourself and makes you look like a complete ASS is not a good thing.



ultimate bitch of the day:  tresspassing.
yeah, that shit's illegal.  last night, my sister's friend slept over.  she's fucking cool as hell.  anyway.  she got something or other in her hair so she and my sister hopped in the shower in their bathingsuits (they're kind of crazy).  while they were in there, they heard a banging noise on the side of the house.  it kind of creeped them out so they came downstairs in their towels to tell me.  i went upstairs and we listened, and someone was definitely throwing rocks or something at my house.  we knew it had to be one of my sister's friends because nobody knows that i live here, unless you were at my slammin' new year's party.  anyway.  they got dressed and we all go chill in the house.  we keep hearing the rocks or whatever on our house, and then we hear someone smack our kitchen window with their hand.  that was fucking creepy.  i was getting really pissed off because throwing rocks at someone's house is fucked up.  if you want our attention just knock on the damn door.  so we waited a while and the banging stopped for maybe fifteen minutes.  but then something else happened.  the fucker was shining a flashlight into our windows.  FROM OUR BACKYARD.  he was in our backyard.  what the fuck.  now i was really pissed so rich conroy and sam delpideo offered to come over and fuck them up.  we got the person (whos name will not be mentioned) to come over our house.  he walks into our kitchen and out of the shadows rich and sam come up and this boy's facial expression is priceless.  he looked terrified, like he was going to piss himself and vomit at the same time.  i had to go downstairs so that he wouldn't hear me laugh.  anyway, so rich said to him, "why are you fucking with 12 year old girls?  why are you throwing shit at their house?" etc. and reminded him that throwing shit at people's houses constitutes as vandalism.  all the boy did was ask if he broke anything, thus admitting it was him.  we were kind of hoping for a fight to go down, but rich just told him to get the fuck out.  he ran home.  stupid boy.


what's the deal, bitch!?!
my question from last time was "what's something new about me?"
obviously, i got glasses.  if you guessed something else i'll bust a cap.

today's question:  roughly how much do i weigh?
a) 100-105 lbs
b) 106-110 lbs
c) 80-90 lbs
d) 91-99 lbs
e) 111-120 lbs


bitch saysss.
-i've had a pretty interesting week, so far.
-seriously, it's not every day some faggot throws shit at my house.
-then again, who throws shit anymore?
-just kidding, it wasn't shit.  it was dried up balls of clay.
-what the fuck?


outro:  welllll that just about wraps it up.  hey, i have an idea.  when you comment on this post, give me some ideas of things you'd like to see on future bitches.  also, i'm always taking articles if anyone wants to write one.  and i'd like to interview someone again soon.  let me know what you all think.  catch you on the flipside, YO!

intro:  hellooooo there!  i know it's been a while since i've posted; i just haven't really felt like it lately due to an extreme case of chronic senioritis (hence the title).  i've been too busy uhh being lazy.  yeah.  that one.  anywho, let's jump in, because i have a lot to talk about today.


kickass band of the day.
alright, so i "discovered" a new band that i absolutely adore.  steve burns (and the struggle) fucking kicks ass.  they've got a really interesting, mellow sound that i could listen to forever.  also, for anyone who doesn't know, steve burns was the original "steve" on the nick jr. hit tv show, "blues clues."  first of all, that show was awesome until they replaced steve.  and you know what, i don't blame him for doing drugs.  i probably would have, too.  but who knew that singing "we just got a letter" countless times would pay off?  anyway, they have a myspace that has three really amazing songs that everybody should listen to.  check it.


quoteworthy.
"you can't live without them, and you can't kill them."  -jeanne, on the subject of men

"i think that if we died right now, i'd be fine, because cheese is really good."  -and i can't for the life of me remember who said this but i love love love it and if it's you please let me know :D

"i wanna pin you against the wall, fuck the shit out of you, beat you with a baby, and then sell our videos to college students."  -laura collins!

"it goes without saying, but it's necessary to say it constantly."  -jenna

"being ugly is one thing but having hair on your upper lip takes it to a whole new level."  -dico, on women with moustaches


lovely lyrics.
i'm just a boring example of everybody else.
steve burns (and the struggle)- what i do on saturday

can you help me remember how to smile?  make it all seem worthwhile?
soul asylum- runaway train

if heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied and illumnate the no's on their vacancy signs, if there's no one to guide you when your soul embarks, then i'll follow you into the dark.
death cab for cutie- i'll follow you into the dark


NEW SECTION:  perfect pick-ups
this is a section dedicated to the best (and worst) pick-up lines i hear each week/period of time between each blog.  i usually get them from jonah pedersen, but sometimes other people contribute as well.  let's go!

"are you jamaican?  'cause you're HOT!"
-creds to john galezniak

"is that a keg in your pants?  'cause i'd just love to tap that ass!"
"is that a mirror in your pocket?  'cause i totally see myself in your pants!"
-creds to jonah pedersen

this one is a real-life conversation i had with the one and only dico
dico: you could probably teach me a thing or two.
me: ...probably?  i definitely could.
dico: then you should.  if only life were that easy.
me: if only i were that easy.
dico: YES!!


ANDDDD FINALLY:  today's bitch:  senioritis.
1.  senioritis:  (n) a crippling disease that strikes high school seniors.  symptoms include: laziness, an over-excessive wearing of track pants, old athletic shirts, sweatpants, athletic shorts, and sweatshirts.  also features a lack of studying, repeated absences, and a generally dismissive attitude.  the only known cure is a phenomenon known as graduation.  source: urban dictionary
good ol' senioritis.  sworn frenemy of high school seniors.  it feels awesome being lazy and not doing a damn thing, and then the end of the semester rolls around and you have weeks of work piled up that you have yet to hand in.  you have finals but you don't feel like studying.  but it feels so good to party late and sleep in.  you just can't tear yourself away.  so addicting.  senioritis is at its best (and worst)  this year.  juniors and sophomores are even developing some preliminary signs that will more than definitely lead to severe cases of senioritis in the following years.  it's an epidemic and it must be stopped.  but who's actually going to bother trying?  it's senioritis.  we'd find a cure, but we don't feel like it.



ultimate bitch of the day:  valentine's day.
i read the rant earlier this morning before my job interview with applebees and it was brought to my attention that valentines day, no matter how cold the weather is, is awesome--unless you're single.  valentines day is a special day that gives couples a reason to spend time that they're already spending together, spend more money on each other, and seems to make PDAs more acceptable.  but if you're a sweet, sexy, single mama like myself, no matter how hot you may be, it's nearly impossible to find someone to spend this romantic day with you.  it's like getting picked last in gym or being excluded from a grade-school social clique because you don't know the "password."  it's some exclusive club and singles aren't invited.  that's not fair.  i think there should be a special day devoted to the single population where for one day, underage drinking is legal so that us singles can get some without feeling bad about it later (because we probably won't remember).  one thing that's nice about being single on vday, though, is getting to look at everyone else the day after.  seriously.  go to school on thursday and watch how some of these girls walk.  it's like they've got a stick up their ass (because on valentine's day, they probably did).

what's the deal, bitch!?!
alright.  last post's question was "how many times have i dyed my hair, bonus points if you can guess the colors."  again, nobody guessed right.  the answer was SEVEN OR MORE times.  i'm addicted.

today's question:  what's something new about me?
a)  i got glasses
b)  i got fat
c)  i got ugly
d)  all of the above
e)  none:  you've always had glasses, you've always been fat, and you've always been ugly.

seriously, if you guess this wrong, you're a fucking moron.


bitch saysss.
-seeing is amazing
-i really didn't know it was possible to see that clearly
-i'm at a good point in my life, i think
-anddd my job interview went well, for anyone who was wondering


outro:  glad to be back!  i hope everyone enjoyed it, and i would like more than 3 comments this time.  seriously, guys.  this is a good one.  whatev.  imma bounce.  holla.