By now you have all seen my triumphantly tragic return to Trailer Park Boys in season 7, & if you haven't you must be fucked in the head, stuuuupid!

These are some random pictures from over the last couple of months...

Toronto HMV autograph session in February:

Halifax, Nova Scotia April:

Bubbles Mansion

The following article, which was written & photographed by the amazingly talented Jdub, appeared in the much revered ~Mongoose Sentinel~. Enjoy!

Gigolo in the Park


Sunnyvale -   No matter which bar or club you go to….you'll hear the whisper between the ladies.  At first you think they are sharing beauty secrets……which push up bra gives the best cleavage…which anti-cellulite cream works best on the ass…..but if you observe more closely, you'll realize that there is something much more stimulating being discussed.   Their voices are throaty and they have a glazed look as they stare off into the distance…as if in a trance….being pulled back to a place and time.   After weeks of monitoring their behaviour I decided to call on my mole to find out what the word on the street was.   It wasn't long before I had my answer.   There's a gigolo in the park.   And not just any Gigolo but one so spectacular that women are emptying their bank accounts to spend an evening with him.  With a bit more digging I discovered something unusual about the visits to the Rico Sauvé of Sunnyvale.  There is only one night.  That's right….so far the women have only had one evening.  And that "one" seems to have them begging for more…

   I decided it was time for me to go "undercover" and see what I could "uncover" on this Lover of Ladies.  Surely the stories are exaggerated…..surely there must be some kind of drug involved to have all these women convinced that pleasure could only be found in the arms of this so called Charming Companion.


   Through a few of my contacts on the street, I managed to get myself invited to a party where the lucky lady of the evening is selected.   The location….J-Roc's crib….where all the fine ladies of the park are to be found.  The only things I was required to bring were smokes, kitty food and liquor……Rum to be specific.   I was told that if I was the lucky girl I'd be approached by the "selector"……contact name…."Bubbles".   I must have been dressed right for the part as I was only there 20 minutes before "Bubbles" parked himself beside me and started talking to the guy beside him about his cats.  During the conversation he slipped me a piece of paper with a date, time and address, and then he was gone.  The deal was done.  Tomorrow night I will finally discover the secret of the Gigolo.

   Being an undercover reporter has its risks so I was prepared.  I had a camera sewn into my purse that would take stills in intervals, and I had my mace.  I also scoped out the address ahead of time and took a picture……as you can see….the rendezvous point looked less than desirable……but I was in this for the long haul

I was ushered in and discovered the ladies man was not quite what I expected…….a little short……and hairy….but he had these intense green eyes and a raspy sing song voice that could be considered sexy...   Right away I was plied with a glass of white wine and told I would be enjoying a tasty dinner made especially by him.  Being that it was a trailer I didn't expect gourmet and I was right.

Lately, I've been enjoying life enough for 2 evil finger puppets:

Having a little drinky-poo,

pic by Tiggy Pudding

Flippin off locals with a VIA Rail conductor as we passed through their shit-hole towns,

pic by FishyNeil

Rollin with my kitties,

 pic by Dirty Dancin

& Heading out for some late night entertainment.

pic by Shake

Back in October, while I was having a nice Thanksgiving dinner:

 pics by Vancouver

I learned that there would be an addition to my family! We all know that the Trailer Park Boys movie opened in Canada on October 6^th, & while I've been told the movie is absolutely wicked, I can't see how that can be true considering that those fuck-faces made it Conky-free. But, it seems that they may have realized their mistake; at the movie theatre the popcorn jockies were giving out Conky finger puppets by the handful! Melba told me she gave a shit load away to the geeks she saw the movie with, but she managed to bring one home for me!

I was thinking that this new guy & I would have a great time causing shit together & we hit it off pretty good. Melba took some lame-ass picture of us together:

I thought that once Conky2 & I got a chance to slip out with Melba's camera we'd fuck this place up. But, as it turns out, Conky2 liked being under the thumb (or is that on the thumb?) of that stuck-up bitch; he even had the balls to snitch on me any chance he got. Once I finally had an opportunity to slip out, you'd better believe I took it; I called a friend & she picked me up in this huge roadster thing she claims she 'borrowed' from a friend, but I know a jacked car when I see one:

My friend Pizzazz used to be in an 80's all-girl rock group called the Misfits; she is a bad ass. She used to fuck with a rival band of goodie-goodies, but was never able to make her band more well known. If she had known me at that time, I think we could have done some real fuckin damage.

Anyway, as it turns out, Melba knew I had slipped out & she had asked Conky2 to shadow us to make sure I didn't get up to anything:

Pizzazz drove us to a secluded spot where we could have a little privacy, & that's when Conky2's perverse curiosity got the better of him:

Usually, Pizzazz would be cool with that, but I had told her what a fuckin tattle-tale pussy Conky2 was, so she grabbed the little cocksucker by the hair & kicked his fuckin ass so hard he landed in a tree in the distance:

Pizzazz drove me home & a couple of hours later, Conky2 limped in; he tried to apologise, but I wasn't going to be sucked into his shit-vortex. I just told him to fuck off & leave me alone.

Once Conky2 was asleep (maybe with a little help from Prince Valium, but I wouldn't know anything about that), I stuffed the little fucker into one of Melba's Christmas card envelopes; I wanted to get him as far from me as possible, I'm hoping that Australia is far enough:

Now, I'm alone & happy.

No real story this time, just some kick-ass pics!

The following pics were taken by Shake:

Senators vs Leafs

Maple Leaf Gardens

Zanzibar

Sam the Record Man

Trophy in the Hockey Hall of Fame

Stanley Cup

Borje Salming in the red in front of the Greek food place, seriously it's him.

Hooters

CN Tower

The following pics were taken by Fishyneil:

Travel Safety

Coffee Tea or Me

My first real mySpace journal entry, I know whoopidy-fuckin-doo. So what story will I regale you with? Try this: no fuckin story at all! After hanging with D for a while, I can't remember jack shit. Jack Shit! I know I went some places cause I've got a few photos to share.

Apparently, I was stuck in traffic with Ms. Vee:

pics by Ms. Vee

I don't know where the fuck she took me, but get a load of these god damned goats on the roof of this shit-hole tourist trap:

pics by Ms. Vee

I bet that bitch didn't even give me a taste of her sweet sweet ice cream:

pic by Ms. Vee

I wish someone could tell me how the hell I ended up in an airplane flying next to Mount St. Helens:

pic by Captain Shitmagnet

These next pictures surprised me because they were taken by that hermit bitch, Melba the Disco Queen. This girl hardly ever fuckin leaves the house, so you would think that she'd really want to have some fun when she does go out, but shit man, she goes all the way to Toronto for the Canadian National Exhibition, & the only thing close to an amusement park ride she went on was the Go train:

I'm sure I would have wanted to go on the Polar Express, one of the most wicked rides, but nooooo! That bitch would probably have puked her fuckin guts out if she took me on it:

There must have been a military display set up, I know Melba probably fuckin ran over hoping some hot military dick would fall madly in love with her. Anyway, I'm certain her sick obsession with M*A*S*H & eternal search for her own Hawkeye inspired this one:

This last pic shows the infamous CN Tower:

*This journal entry previously appeared on www.xanga.com/Conky_Rocks but it's one of my favourites so *

So I've been traveling around trying to figure out where I really belong, & I don't know if it was something subconscious or some shit like that, but I ended up where it all began: Dartmouth Nova Scotia.

Since I was in the area, I decided to check up on Bubbles; however, that bastard has been listening to Ricky & Julian too much & hasn't let me know where to find him. I figured that I should track the fucker down & remind him who's the boss (no, it's not Tony Danza).

I began my search near the power generation plant in Dartmouth:

Then I headed up to the King of Donair to see if Bubbles was perhaps rescuing Julian from dancing with a dirty fuckin dog out back by the dumpsters again.

Still having no luck finding Bubbles, I decided to head to the church he used to attend, you fuckers may recognize it from the Christmas special.

No luck at the church. The next logical step was to check out the Slick Pimp strip club, but still to no avail.

I staked out Dartmouth Regional Vocational School in case Ricky showed up begging for his job as garbage jockey back; my plan to tackle that bastard & force him to take me to Bubbles never came to fruition, the fucker never showed up.

I was beginning to give up hope of tracking Bubbles down after a trip to the Penhorn mall where Bubbles is often seen collecting carts at the bottom of the hill was also a bust.

Wondering if I was on the wrong track, I headed to the Van Allen Correctional Facility; I'm glad that I didn't find Bubbles playing badminton in the yard.

The last place I checked would be the most logical place, but it looked like it's been closed up for the winter.

Anyway, later on I heard that Bubbles has hooked up with some witch ho & has been living in L.A. for the winter. I had wicked time visiting my old stomping ground,. but really this isn't where I belong any more, so I hit the road once again. If you see a short, frizzy haired mother fucker hitch-hiking on a highway near you, don't be afraid to pick him up, it might just be me (or it could be a fuckin serial killer, who knows?).