If there was ever a time I wanted for you to read something I wrote, THIS time would be the most important to me....
This is a message to all my friends and fans who have been there for me since day one, and for those who may have just recently started watching LA Ink. I hope I'm not coming off to negative here, but i have to get a few things off my chest ...
Although I may seem to not be as present as I used to be, I want you to know that I am still paying attention to the comments, emails, and feedback you guys send my way - and thats why I have always been so damn grateful for things like MySpace, Facebook, Twitter, my website's forum, and the fanclubs, because those have always served as good tools for me to directly communicate with you guys.
One thing I have always prided myself in, is my sincerity in being as honest and open with everyone. As hard as some things are to explain, I always try my best - always writing my own blogs, and being as REAL as I can possaibly be.. and I STILL believe that this is one of the reasons people may like me...
When I first started getting involved with this whole "TV" thing - I had a very specific goal in mind> and this may sound super cheesy or cliche, but I mean this from the bottom of my heart...
Doing a TV show about my tattoo shop felt like a good opportunity to present Tattooing in a positive light. Then I relaized there was so much more that comes along with being on TV.
to some girls, I became some sort of role model, whether I liked it or not. And I did like it because it was such a wonderful feeling when young girls, soccer moms, rocker chicks, and everything in between would come up to me, or write me a letter, telling me about how watching the show inspired them to start their own business, and to be independent and self created, to be passionate about whatever it was they wanted to be -
some girls would tell me that they were thankful to have someone in the spotlight that was "different", because it made them realize there was nothing wrong with thinking outside the box....
and i know better than anyone, what its like to feel out of place...Sometimes, I still feel like that even today.
But to hear these things, made me so proud to be a part of my team. I had Hannah and Kim, Corey Miller (and the rest of my crew) who tattooed next to me everyday at the shop - who I looked up to, before ever even meeting them - and then all of the sudden I'm tattooing side by side with them, and we're doing something positive -
I had a team that included women I admired and could relate to, who were better than me at a lot of things, and who I could learn from...
And as life may have it, for whatever reasons that were so out of my control, Hannah and Kim had to leave...
I was pretty sad about it - hell, I still miss working with them - but things like this happen all of the time, and you gotta roll with the punches.
And the truth of the matter is, I do have a lot of weaknesses, and a lot of downfalls. but I dont have a problem admitting it. Everyday I am trying my best to grow and learn... to better myself. Some days I fail, and a lot of days are ground breaking for me... but regardless, its never easy...
The point Im trying to make here, is that there are a million things I cannot control. I cant control someone else's vision for the show and the direction they choose to follow. I cant control how all women act around me. I cant control a production company, or how people choose to edit things...
what i CAN control is how much of myself I put into each and every single tattoo I do. What I CAN control is how I treat my family, my friends. I CAN control the choice to not drink or do drugs.
I can do my very best.
With that being said, I am sincerely sorry - from the bottom of my heart - if I come off like an asshole, or incompetant - I assure you, I have never in my life felt so clear-headed, humbled, focused, loved, aware, willing, and grateful.
Being forced to deal with unwanted adversity and drama, has pushed me to become a better tattooer, sister, friend, companion, and business woman, and I so TRULY hope that you guys see passed all the rest of the bullshit that comes with having to catch things on film....
I really do love you all...
Kat Von D
www.katvond.net
www.highvoltagetattoo.com