I guess this is becoming a largely music-themed week on the blog. What can I say? Sometimes I feel like music is up there with food, water, and air. It's essential. I need it to live. I waste away without it. I don't have devoted listening time like I used to when I commuted to work everyday. I've almost been neglecting my music habit, so I binged. I bought a bunch of CDs in the past couple weeks and I got out to see some live music. Last night's show with Social Studies and Love Raid was particularly inspiring and I'll tell you why, along with why you must go see Social Studies if you are in Detroit, Ohio, Boston, Danbury, NYC, or Philly where they are touring over the next couple weeks.

Last week when I visited my high school (and for details about the visit and how it got me reflecting on high school English curriculum, check out my blog entry at Teen Fiction Cafe from yesterday), all the kids had questions about what my real life as a teenager in Oak Park was like. Was it similar to the book? Did I hate Oak Park? Why? What happened?

Yes, I hated Oak Park growing up. Why? It's pretty simple. From day one at school, kids were cruel to me because I didn't adhere to their standards. The diversity claim seemed like bullshit. Sure it was more diverse than other suburbs, but kids who weren't white and privileged were treated like crap. I didn't feel like I fit in anywhere until high school when I started hanging out at Scoville Park. Was my experience at Scoville Park like Kara's? Not entirely. It was a path I could have gone down. I knew some pretty messed-up kids and I *was* a really, really messed up kid myself. I was a depressed girl who escaped in whatever ways she could find. Sometimes these ways were negative (ie. cutting, substances, bad relationships, etc), sometimes they were positive, through music and through a group of friends that had a much brighter impact on my life (unfortunately I pushed them away at times; if I'd been able to work through my issues and spend more time with them, I might have been a happier person).

One aspect of my Oak Park experience that I didn't really bring into Ballads of Suburbia (it was a lot more present in earlier drafts, but since the book *is not* about my life, it faded out as it didn't fit the story) was how huge music was in our lives. It wasn't just about going to shows at the Fireside or other places in the city, or even about driving around listening to music, which was pretty much all we did, it was about all my friends in bands. Almost everyone I hung out with was in a band. I tried to play guitar and form a band at one point because I was just so surrounded by it (but I suck at music, the writing thing is what I do best). I spent so much time after school in people's basement watching someone's band. Almost every guy I dated in high school was a musician (two drummers and a singer/guitarist). There was a show at someone's house or a community center or somewhere almost every weekend.

My favorite local band was these guys, The Slackjaws:

This is Mike's current band Social Studies (he's on the right):

Pam: The video testimonials and "hoax" www.candorfl.com website came first. I built the website and did the graphics (my day job involves photo buying so that was a lot of fun for me), and my husband wrote a lot of the marketing copy for the site. I put together the book trailer for the site too, for less than $200! (And here's how.)

So today marks the one month anniversary of my wedding. *grins widely* This also means I better buy some thank you card and get them out... Crap, anyone know where I can get cute but reasonably priced thank you cards in bulk?

I've chosen Tuesday since that is the day records tend to drop (it seems to be when books usually drop too. hmm. I think there is a shipping reason behind it that was explained to me once.) and yes, I am totally one of those people who goes to pick up the albums she is eagerly awaiting on the very first day of release.

One of the very first days of release I remember most clearly is when Hole's album Live Through This came out on April 12, 1994. I was so excited about that album. I'd gotten a hold of Pretty on the Inside a couple years before that and it spoke to me in ways few albums have. Of course there was a dark cloud over the release of Live Through This. Kurt Cobain was found dead four days before it came out. I was still incredibly depressed about it and walked to the record store three blocks from my house in a somber mood, hoping they would have the album because I knew listening to it would provide some kind of release from the sadness over Kurt. Fortunately they had it and I listened to it nonstop (with some Nirvana thrown in, but that was about it) for over a month. Some of the lyrics were so eerie given the circumstances, like the line from "Asking For It" that the albums title comes from: "If you live through this with me, I swear that I will die for you." (In one of Courtney's first interviews on MTV after Kurt died she'd say, "I'm not psychic but my lyrics are.") But eerie or not, that album just spoke to me. Even more so than Pretty on the Inside. It was like Courtney Love just knew my damaged teenage girl heart. It was the album that most represented my teen years and remains my second favorite album of all time. The biggest favorite being Nirvana's In Utero, which I also purchased on release day.

Today I'm headed to the record store to purchase the newly released, remastered version of Bleach, the album that turned me onto Nirvana back when I was 12 and exposed me to the world of punk. Even though it's not my favorite Nirvana album (though it's probably my second fave), it holds a very sacred place in my heart. It was The Album That Changed Everything. So when I heard (very belatedly because I am just not up on my music news as much anymore, another reason I am doing this blog in hopes that you guys will share music news and discoveries with me) that Bleach was being remastered and paired with a live album, I immediately emailed my local indie record store, The Old School Records and asked them to order me both the CD and vinyl. Cause I'm a nerd like that. But that's why I shop at Old School because they understand what it's like to be a music nerd. And they know that I prefer to get my stuff on vinyl with an MP3 download or CD to put it on my iPod (this is marketing genius, record companies. Vinyl + MP3 download is perfect for geeks like me who still want the physical package, still want to listen to vinyl at home, but want to bring the music around with them too.) And they let me put in orders by email and then go over and pick them up. As convenient as amazon and almost as convenient as iTunes, but with a human element. This is why I shop indie and you should too!

Okay, getting off the indie soapbox. And getting away from the Hole & Nirvana kick which was inspired by both the Halloween costumes but also these new Nirvana releases.

On New Music Tuesday it is my plan to share the album (or albums) I can't stop listening to as of late and my most recent musical discovery.

The album I can't stop listening to is another grunge band. I did not expect to buy this album or like it. It's the new Alice In Chains album, Black Gives Way To Blue. I was like Alice in Chains without Layne Staley is just wrong. If they want to continue on with a new singer it should be like how Joy Division became New Order. But then again, New Order sounds a lot different than Joy Division. This new Alice in Chains still sounds like Alice in Chains musically and that is because even though Layne was the voice of Alice in Chains, Jerry Cantrell really was the musical force. I miss Layne. I ache to hear his voice on this record. Sometimes it sorta sounds like him and creeps me out. But I'm glad I gave it a chance because it's damn good. I gave in because my friend Jenny who is a huge AIC fan told me it was and I trusted her. It's that perfect mixture of metal and grunge and a little bit of acoustic stuff. The ultimate Alice in Chains blend. And the lyrics are still dark and beautiful. I love the title track best as well as "Check My Brain," "Lesson Learned" and "A Looking In View." But man just the title alone conjures such imagery. The black of a bruise fading the blue, the healing. The black of darkest night fading to the blue of coming morning. As someone who is still working their way through some personal grief this album is a good outlet and a comfort.

The band I just discovered is The Loved Ones. Last week, I went to see the Gaslight Anthem (another band who I absolutely cannot stop listening to) and Murder By Death (who I also adore, they are self described whiskey and apocalypse music and really how can you go wrong with that) and it was one of those rare shows were all the bands including the openers are good. Usually you are stuck sitting through at least a thirty minute set of a band that bores you. The very first band, The Measure, had me bopping my head, but when The Loved Ones came on, I stood up. Like immediately. The music, the voice, it was perfect. Actually reminded me of a lot of what I love about The Gaslight Anthem, but with more of a hardcore edge or that folk punk older Against Me edge. I don't know. It's hard to explain, but you can listen to them on MySpace and I'll be picking up one of their albums along with my Nirvana stuff today.

Now it is your turn to share the wealth. What band have you recently discovered that you just love (and it can be an old band, my 12 year old "niece" just discovered the Beatles and I am enjoying rediscovering them with her) and what's the album that you just can't stop listening to lately?

Bartending at the Beacon Pub is my night job, the job besides "author." And actually it's the job that pays the bills, my writing income doesn't even come close to covering my needs. If you follow me on Twitter, you'll see that especially lately I've been super stressed out because business at the Beacon has been so slow. Contrary to popular belief, bars are not recession proof. Maybe in the past, people drank their troubles away when they were broke and actually, they probably still do, but they do so at home. Or when they come out, more often than not, they stiff the bartender. (FYI, for those of you wondering what the tip standard is today, it is $1 per drink. At least in Chicago. I've heard that in other cities, people actually tip more. And if your drink is complicated, tip more. Or if you want to make friends with the bartender so they will buy you drinks later, tip more. And if you are buying a round, tip for every drink. Oh and please tip more than a dollar when buying a pitcher. You're going the cheap route with the beer, so don't stiff the bartender. And when buying multiple shots, also be sure to tip more than a dollar. Shots are more difficult to make most times and they also take more of our time, meaning we are not serving as many customers as we could be.)

Anyway... you may also see my rants about crazies that make their way into the Beacon from time to time. And I will start my bartender blog one of these days to share these stories. So sometimes I've had friends ask me, well, why don't you just bartend some place else if the Beacon isn't getting much business. And my answer is absolutely not. Why? For one, I think all bars are hurting. For two, if I had to bartend in a trendy bar/club, I'd kill my customers, plus I'm doubtful I'd make that much more because bad tippers tend to frequent those kinds of places and in a bigger bar, there are more people you have to tip out to. I'm the only person working during my shift, which sucks sometimes (though usually one of the other bartenders is there hanging out or the owner is or one of the regulars will jump in to help if I get slammed, or defend me if I need to throw some jackass out), but I tip out to no one.

But the *main* reason why I stay at the Beacon is because I love my regular customers. Many of them have become true friends. I've learned a lot from them. They take care of me. We have great conversations, like last night was terribly slow even for a Sunday, but even though I walked out broke I'd had a few great conversations that night. And they are just a fucking blast to be around as you will see in this photo documentation of the Beacon Pub Halloween Party.

So I picked a zombie theme because I loved dressing up as a zombie last year and I love making zombie drinks. Scott and I spent forever trying to decided what kind of zombies we'd be. Bride & Groom was a popular suggestion due to our recent marriage. And we were leaning that way... or gonna go with what we already had either rock star or catholic school girl (I have lots of plaid skirts) for me and mechanic for him. But then we found a "grunge" wig at the costume store. And I decided he must be zombie Kurt Cobain and I must be zombie Courtney Love. I'm actually surprised I didn't think of it sooner. And that I've never gone as Courtney before, but I guess since I spent all of high school dressing like her it wouldn't have been much of a costume. But zombiefied it was. If you enlarge the photo you will see the added touches of barrettes that say Courtney and a cigarette in my hair.

In that last picture, we are finally at the Beacon. And that was the best part of Halloween. We had a costume contest judged by these fabulous people, Molly and Tim, barmaid and beer:

You see this is an Urban Fantasyish idea (that's the best label I can put on it at least. It brings some elements from Greek Mythology into present day. And it's all I'm going to say about it. This one is staying under tight wraps for a while at least.) and though I've read a lot of fantasy/sci-fi/genre fiction over the years I've never tried writing it. It means I have to build a whole new world and create a mythology for my characters which maybe isn't that different than figuring out my characters' backstory, but it seems a lot more involved and the whole story sort of hinges on the rules I draw up for myself.

So I've decided that instead of diving straight into scene, I'd need to outline and brainstorm and plot out the world. I meant to do that this week, but I got sick.

However the nice thing about being sick is that I got to do a lot more reading and TV watching than usual. There are three hour marathons of Degrassi in the afternoon! I think I discovered this last time I was sick, but promptly convinced myself to forget about it because it would distract from writing. So I'll have to forget about it again come Monday. But honestly this week I think it's okay to watch it and to read a lot because it recharges me. Between my wedding and getting my book proposal in I've worked my butt off this month, though it doesn't feel like it because I don't have hundreds of pages to show for it.

The pressure I put on myself is immense. I have no doubt that stress is what caused me to get sick. I want to be one of those people that can pound out a first draft in a month, who can write two or more books a year, but I'm just not sure that's me. It takes so long for ideas to crystallize in my mind. The idea behind Ballads percolated for something like 7 years. IWBYJR took 4 years to write because I was percolating as I wrote. The Zoe story has been percolating since 2007. But I can't tell you how much I want this new idea to just click. Right now!

I can feel it coming together slowly though and I can feel what a release it's going to be. I'm going to go dark places again. Ballads dark. And maybe it's sick, but I want to do that. I can't wait for it. I want to purge more pain and grief through these characters. It feels good like loud music and smoky clubs and slamming in a crowd the way I used to. Anyway, even though this is fantasy, it will be very very real the way I always try to write.

But I still need a day or two more of rest. Well a day. Tomorrow is Halloween and the big Beacon Zombie party. (Break through on the costume front happened at the halloween store yesterday when I discovered a grunge wig and looked at my blue eyed, stubbly-faced husband and shoved it into his hands, exclaiming, "You will be zombie Kurt Cobain and I will be zombie Courtney Love!" Surprisingly in all these years I have never been Courtney Love for Halloween.) Then I will try to get back to my regularly scheduled writing routine... Well, I guess I will have to do this outline first before I can get to it. But if you curious about my regular writing routine and what my workspace looks like I blogged about it over at MTV Books today. I think there will be a monthly addition to my routine though. I never really take a break, I'm always busy writing or working at the bar every day (though I have started spending Saturday afternoons with my "niece" aka my friend's 12 year old daughter and that's been a blast), so I think I'm going to add two mental health days a month where I just veg out and watch TV and read. This way maybe I can avoid stressing myself out to the point of sickness.

Anyway, one last link to share before I go and chill on the couch some more. The ladies at We Love YA have done a week of poignant posts about the issues that YA fiction tackles. Yesterday my lovely CP Vanessa posted about self injury and mentioned Ballads. Please check out what she had to say and join the discussion at We Love YA.

Have a happy Halloween! I'll have pictures for you next week!

Now to announce the winners of my three contests:

The winner of the Save Shrinking Violet contest is Kaye from Blogger and she will win a copy of Ballads of Suburbia.

The winner of my Teen Read Week contest is Sara from Blogger and she will also win a copy of Ballads of Suburbia.

The winner of my Halloween contest is Steph Su from Blogger and she will win Ballads of Suburbia taffy! Steph, I need you to email me your address at stephanie at stephaniekuehnert dot com.

As for my Halloween costume, my favorite suggestions were Catholic School Girl zombie and Zombie bride/corpse bride. I'm also considering some sort of rocker zombie (punk or 80s). It will all depend what I find at Salvation Army. I'll keep ya posted!

Now go read my guest blog, it's all about my teenage experiences with Halloween and Homecoming and also about Ballads of Suburbia.

Fall is my favorite season, October is my favorite month (though Fall and October have *not* been cooperating this year. We seem to have skipped straight into early winter in Chicago and I am *pissed* because I hate all things winter), and Halloween has always been my favorite holiday. What can I say? I've always been a spooky goth girl at heart. I started dressing in a lot of black, listening to The Cure, and reading Stephen King when I was about 11 (though I honestly can't stomach horror as much anymore. Ever since I saw The Ring and had nightmares and daymares about it for weeks. I just don't like being scared witless anymore. Though I do still love vampires, zombies, and the macabre.)

I've had a bunch of crazy costumes through the years and I thought I'd share some with you, to help me get into Halloween spirit.

This was my first Halloween costume. Electrical tape on yellow pajamas and some cardboard wings and pipe cleaner antennas--a bee! Cheap and easy!

My mom was the queen of making costumes out of cardboard. One year I was a playing card, using posterboard. This year my brother was a ketchup bottle using posterboard. One year I was a dye (like part of a pair of dice) using a cardboard box. This year, another cardboard box is used, add in some tinfoil antennas and I'm a TV:


In college my friend Annika and I got creative and I dressed up as her and she was me. She's on the left, portraying me in all my goth glory:

Yeah gotta love the goth years. Here I am celebrating Halloween when I was 19. Nope I'm not dressed up as Morticia Adams. That's just the way I dressed back then. When every day was Halloween:


I had a couple years where I decided to be literary characters. Here I was the ice queen from a Russian fairytale I loved as a kid:

And here I am as Alice from Alice In Wonderland. Of course wearing the blond wig caused me to dye my hair blond again shortly there after because I liked it so much:

And of course last year, I was a zombie. So was Scott, here we are trying to eat my friend Kathy's brains:

I was an office zombie. I got to tear up my old 9 to 5 job clothes and it was very cathartic. So cathartic I decided I wanted to be a zombie again this year. In fact I wanted a zombie party.

I throw a Halloween party approximately every ten years. I'd do it more often, but I never seem to have time to organize parties and I get nervous about throwing them, mainly worrying that no one will come or it will be a totally lame failure. I hosted my first Halloween party when I was ten. It was the one year in grade school where I was kind of in with the cool popular kids and I was terrified my party wouldn't impress. But we had a pretty spooky basement so it all turned out well. My second Halloween party happened when I was nineteen... or maybe twenty. It was during the lost years, my goth club girl days when I was drinking heavily and err abusing other substances too. So my memories are blurry. But I remember making vegan Halloween cupcakes and everyone adored them and they were quite surprised to find out they were vegan (I love doing that!).

This year since I'm working on Halloween, I've decided to throw a party at the Beacon, the bar where I still earn the majority of my living. It's been rather slow there lately (prolly bc of the crappy not really fall weather), so I'm hoping to boost business. I was also hoping my friends would come because it is still my party even though it's happening at the bar, but alas I'm having a hard time getting them out of the city (which is seriously annoying because the bar is right on a train line and Forest Park is just outside the the city). So anyway I'm having those no one will show up fears again. If you are over 21 and in the Chicago area for Halloween, please consider yourself invited. (Here's the official facebook invite). There is a 4$ drink special, a costume contest (with wacky prizes that you could only get at the Beacon), and NO COVER CHARGE! The whole party is zombie-themed because A. Zombies are cool. B. I like making the drink called Zombie and C. I wanted to be a zombie again. This brings me to my dilemma.....

So Halloween is a week away and I'm *still* undecided about a costume. I was hoping that you my dear blog readers could help me. What kind of zombie should I be???? I kinda wanted to do some sort of celebrity zombie (one of my friends and her boyfriend are thinking of coming as Jon and Kate Plus Eight and zombifying a bunch of babydolls. If so, I bet they'll be at the top of the costume contest!), but haven't thought of anyone yet. I need to be a zombie that's still sort of cute/sexy because umm hideous zombie bartender is not going to get good tips and I really need good tips right about now. I was thinking of being a 50s style waitress zombie. Or maybe cheerleader or prom queen zombie? Do you have any other ideas? A zombie celebrity? A zombified literature or movie character?

In the spirit of Halloween, I've decided to give out candy. Anyone who comments on the blog today with a zombie suggestion for me will be entered to win Ballads of Suburbia taffy! And please tell me about your own costume and Halloween plans too because I'm sure they will be inspiring.

I'll draw the winner on Monday. It will be a *big* day of winners because I'm also drawing two winners of signed copies of Ballads of Suburbia, one from my Save Shrinking Violet contest and one from my Teen Read Week contest, so please enter those this weekend as well!

Last week on the blog was "Wedding Week" wherein I talked about all aspects of my wedding, but this week my local newspaper ran my column about all the very important local elements of the wedding and how much I enjoyed the venue where the wedding took place, Molly Malone's.Here's the column online. It's really short. Hope you can check it out and enjoy it. Anyway...

Today I have another awesome lady author to introduce you to... Kathi Baron, whose bookShattered just came out last month and is at the top of my TBR pile. Let's meet Kathi!

Thank you so much, Stephanie, for having me. This was just so much fun!

Thank you, Kathi, for visiting us today! I can tell already that Shattered is going to be a very powerful book. I love stories about the healing power of music and about girls like Cassie, who are strong and searching to understand themselves and their families. That brings us to...

Kathi was kind enough to offer up a signed copy of Shattered to one lucky winner. To enter all you have to do is leave a comment about Kathi's interview or her book. You can also get extra entries:

+1 for tweeting/blogging about today's interview/contest
+1 for tweeting/blogging about Kathi and Shattered

Note your extra entries in your comment along with an email address to contact you at. Then tune in a week from today to find out if you won!